so it's a new year

and in thegeneral tradition, i'm supposed to make a lists of resolutions
but i haven't really thought about it
i just left my good friend negarra's house and toasted in the new year with new friends all around
i suggest it as a new beginning for anyone tired of the club scene

i know i may be a lil late, but there is no time like the present, so here's my list, developing as i continue breathing in this moment
by the way, it should be mentioned that my new year's eve's eve was filled with lots of thought and tears, which i was thankful for and which very likely influenced the list i'm conceptualizing right now
here goes:
1-approach love and its possibility with recklessness, because i may only get one chance to share the love that's been given me
2-be wise, not only in the sharing and passing on of wisdom, but in my personal life and matters
3-pray out loud for the things that i NEED first, and then what i want
4-be fully committed in mind and actions to the goals i want to achieve: performing more often, writing and publishing songs, being a good friend always, making arinmaya-made a viable business
5-let go of the things/people/relationships that don't lift me up
6-recognize that though it's not ALL about me, a whole lot of it really is all about ME
7-achieve a level of financial comfort through a channel that brings me happiness and peace
8-keep traveling
9-continue to clear out the things i have that i don't need
10-explore the possibility of yes before suggesting "no"

i love you all--happy new year, happiness, peace, possibility and prosperity!

instructions for life

(i doubt the dalai lama (sp?) actually wrote this list but it's pretty good no matter)
i sent this list to some friends a while ago but thought it was good to look back at as the new year quickly approaches

enjoy!
Instructions for life
1-take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk
2-when you lose, don’t lose the lesson
3-follow the three R’s:
Respect for self
Respect for others
Responsibility for all your actions
4-remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful blessing from God
5-learn the rules so you know how to break them properly
6-don’t let a little dispute injure a great relationship
7-when you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it
8-spend some time alone every day
9-open your arms to change but don’t let go of your values
10-remember that silence is sometimes the best answer
11-live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time
12-a loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life
13-in disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past
14-share your knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality
15-be gentle with the earth
16-once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before
17-remember that they best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other
18-judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it
19-approach love and cooking with reckless abandon

good men

and music...

so i'm sitting at my desk at my part-time job in the lifestyle i had chosen for myself (at least temporarily post-paris)
(read: i must revert back to something with normalcy and not having to be broke anymore)
back to the program:
i'm at my desk and i'm entering gifts from our year-end appeal for the non-profit i work for that helps homeless people and (it appears) would like me to join that roster instead of paying me decent wages
by the way, the reason i have to revert back to (god-forbid) a 9-5 life and a salary is because (a) i have no insurance, (b) i need to live alone--solitude is my new year's resolution, (c) because the economy, similar to the nation, is built on lies and fear
yea

so--oooh just got dizzy from something--somewhere between not eating enuf and not sleeping enuf i hope

THE POINT:
in 2002, RL (formerly of "step back you're dancing kinda close") made a song called "Good Man"
and it was the bomb--so i just finished listening to it on YouTube (can't embed it because it was disabled by the user, go fig), and just before that, i listened to "We Can't Be Friends" with him and Deborah Cox, one of the two (or probably more) Canadian divas of song--the other being Tamia, who i just listened to with Eric Benet (still over/under sexed?) singing "Spend My Life With You"

and I just thought I would share these wonderful musical memories with you (yes, in the midst of talking about how i even came to the point of being able to/feeling like i must watch/listen to YouTube in order to pass my days--because having less makes you want to revel in the more(s) that are available to you)

word of the day: Don't forget the good times, or good music as the years come and go by--they're there to be held onto

have you ever...?

done something you knew you would regret the minute you decided "yes"?

this morning i woke up a teensy bit early and so decided to get my extra fifteen minutes in
when i woke up again, i realized i had take another 30+ minutes instead--oops
when i finally rolled out of bed though, i was glad to have gotten the extra sleep. i felt refreshed.
so much so that i thought to myself: self, you're gonna be cute today

once i got out of the shower i knew i was going to wear my jeans that are too long, which means i had to wear heels (enter stupid moment)
which heels?
the green rounded toe heels from nine west that i haven't EVER worn before
greatly horrible idea!
and so now, i stand witness to pain and the fact that i could have avoided this had i just listened to myself as i put them on, debated about them and the initial pain, which i dismissed as temporary...the LIES

word of the day: don't lie to yourself--you know the truth standing before you
word no. 2: don't wear uncomfortable shoes--it's NEVER worth it, and if you can avoid it, don't even BUY them!

have you ever...

i may have lied

(about the topic of this post, being "next"--sorry)

but according to the men i've spoken to about this "lying" thing, it isn't a lie if you don't intend for it to be, and i certainly didn't intend on having a day best denoted by expletives--please trust that--but i was close to tears, literally while sitting at my desk fixing several spreadsheets for our year-end appeal

i don't even get insurance from these world-savers, go fig

why was my day so horrendous?

1-because my shoulder keeps (as in continuing as i type) having this sharp recurring pain that feels like something is being ripped through--OUCH!

2-because PMS is so real and it only gets more real as the years go by. irritable is the word of the day

3-because i was  TIRED, read: falling asleep at my desk. huge problem

and 

4-because i realized just how broke i am--very :(

BUT God...

gave me this voice and it does things to me when i can praise Him

so here are the reasons my day wasn't all THAT bad, though it was still a pretty effing not great day

i've had better...

1-because i could still sing, and when it came time for me to do it, i needed it like breath

2-because when i went to purchase the futon cover for my new futon (isn't it a blessing to be able to afford stuff you need even when you're BROKE??!?) it was the easiest transaction of my horrendous day/s ever

3-because the trains were running like butter--such an uncommon thing here in new york city, but also nicely because of the weekday thing. do not, i repeat do NOT visit new york on the weekend if you don't know where you're going or have a well educated tour guide

4-because i was able to get my granola from the health food store--it's my guilty pleasure during this hellish cleanse

5-because sometime soon, i'm gonna lay my head on a pillow on my futon with my new cover and mattress pad and all, and go to sleep

6-because my lifelong friend kamaria called me JUST when i was about to really break down--just to say hi; i believe she felt me and came to my rescue like the angel God made her to be

and

7-just because He's so awesome

word of the day: it's always good to be able to put things into perspective

no matter what you're going through, someone else has it worse--try to be a blessing to someone else when you're down. it may turn both of you around

40 dollars

tonight, 40 dollars got me the chance to see Maxwell hump a microphone stand
it's still worth it 8 years later, though i didn't pay the first time...
after the concert, 3 dollars and seventy cents got me three bags of supposed rice chips (with autolyzed yeast extract--what is that? yeast, no doubt) and a bottle of water i don't want to drink because it's cold
i do better to drink at room temp
this morning after church 4 dollars got me 4 dollars and 38 cents worth of turkey (smoked and sausalito)--don't judge me, it's this candida cleanse i'm on that has my diet all wacked out--, and a small but hearty bag of pistachios, which, by the way, i like eating in public because people like to see the challenge of the breaking open of new grounds, or different types of nuts--go fig
one thing about me, i don't like paying for food
so check this last story before i sign off:
last night, it cost me nothing but my pretty little self to get an amazing bowl of butternut squash soup and two cups of peppermint tea--read: it was FREE.99

word of the day:
be your pretty little self every day--you'd be surprised how far it'll get you

next post will be about the show i did last week with johnny voltik at solomon's porch on november 20
in short it was great--next show is december 16th at public assembly in williamsburg

today

today i'm gonna love me for me
tonight i'm gonna sing til i fall asleep
this week i'm gonna vote for change
next week i'll pray for some rain
and right now
here right now
not tomorrow but right now
i will list all the beautiful blessings that God gave to me
i will lift my voice up to the skies so one day we'll be free
i will laugh at the top of my voice i will sing
i will sing to the height of the world i will dance
i will love i will love i will love i will love me today

Who's behind the "Wassup 2008" Obama ad? Not Budweiser.

Posted by: Burt Helm on October 27

This morning when I blogged about the “Wassup 2008” Obama video, two questions sprung to my mind. First, who paid for this thing? The production values are very high – one person from Budweiser’s ad agency, DDB, estimated it could have cost as much as $750,000 (she also said DDB had nothing to do with the video). Second, how could Budweiser possibly be cool with such a clearly partisan advertisement?

After some digging, I found out. First, it cost way less than $750k. Second, Budweiser had no clue it was happening until after the video hit YouTube on Friday.

The man with the answers? Charles Stone III, the director of the original “Wassup” commercial and the movie Drumline (and the guy who answers the phone in the first frame of the video). He decided to make it about two weeks ago, he told me, with a crew of about 50 volunteers (all professionals working pro bono). They put it together in 9 days.

It was all possible, Stone says, because Budweiser never owned the rights to the idea. He’d originally made it as a short film independent of the brand, and Budweiser had only leased the rights, paying a mere $37,000 for five years of use. Back then, people gave him a hard time about the low price. Now Stone, a diehard Obama supporter, says it’s more than paid off. “That I’m able to use an idea distributed by a huge company, who made a lot of money off it, so that now when I put out what I want to say, it’s recognizable, and it sparks -- that’s worth $1 million to me.”

It came together after emailing with friends about ways they could make a video supporting Obama. Once they’d settled on the concept, he got on the phone with the original cast (all friends of his, who are now actors living in New York, Philadelphia, and LA), and called up his Director of Photography from Drumline, Shane Hurlbut, who brought in his crew. He also signed up Gerard Cantor and Maurice Marible, from commercial production house Believe Media, who co-produced. They shot over two days. The war-torn Iraq setting is actually a preexisting set in Santa Clarita, CA.

After they finished, they uploaded it to YouTube with distribution company 60Frames, set up a website, wassup08.com, and sent links to everyone they knew. As of writing this, it’s been viewed almost 1.8 million times, and picked up across the blogosphere, including on BoingBoing, Daily Kos, and Huffington Post. The final price tag? About $6500 out of his own pocket, Stone says.

http://www.businessweek.com/the_thread/brandnewday/archives/2008/10/whos_behind_the.html?campaign_id=rss_daily

This is Whassup...you know

saturday morning

earlier this week, my honesty was compromised
well, better, someone tried to suggest through their questions and actions towards me that it wasn't legit enuf for them
i consider myself pretty reliable
however, that person's deciding to question my integrity, made me decide to drop them and my former commitment to them and their project

oh well?
i know we'll both get over this
it just feels a little weird
but hey, it's saturday morning
i'm supposed to be there now
i'll communicate the drop off...sometime today
probably via text message

let's just say this:
if you don't trust someone, be mindful of the situations you get yourself into with them
yea

never forget

Interesting Article...but who wrote it?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/arianna-huffington/enough-why-obama-should-r_b_125519.html

I wish I could embed this article in here so you could see the video at the end and feel some kind of way about it here with me.
You'll have to let me know your thoughts please....

Have we given up...?

A few days ago at one of my birthday celebrations, a friend/colleague of mine raised a point...or at least a conversation topic, and I guess it served its point, because I'm thinking about it enuf now to post it as a question here and now.
The "we" is black women
and the question is, have we given up on our black male counterparts?

I know it's hard to conceive of us having "counterparts," with all the government ordained efforts to keep black men away from us at all costs (prison, crack, ADD, etc--all excuses), but there are some.
I also know that I am the host of a few completely unbalanced and unfair double standards, one of which being that if a black man is with a white woman he's just "given up," where a black woman with a white man has at least, and very likely "tried her darndest"

I know--not fair.
My friend mentioned his point of view, which is that black men only get with white girls to (forgive me, and him) fuck them, while black women "be on that love shit."
Harsh words, yes, but a point of view nonetheless...

I don't quite believe that's true. I do believe that a lot of black men think white women are "easier," perhaps because they don't deal with the same stresses, and because black men are not seen as "brothers" to them. So the familial obligations that black men would otherwise have towards their (black) women, are not as heavy a burden to the relationship.

Maybe it's true, maybe I just think too much.
Either way, black women seem to have less options these days. Between the pull of society, which is pitted against the black man, and white women (who come hard sometimes), and homosexuality, and (not to be forgotten) the self-important view that creates an atmosphere of whorish behavior, along with women who allow such behavior just to "get theirs," the chance of a "good" black woman actually scoring a "good" [relative term] black man is unfortunately slim.

So, have we given up? Or are we just exploring other options in the face of scarcity?

why cry?

why cry when you realize after at least a month that you have made up your present reality based solely on the past and none of it actually exists in the real world?

why cry when the man you love is really just a song you've been quoting by one of your favorite artists (ella) and really, he's just a good guy you used to like?

why cry when you're still alone after conjuring up the lie of years that haven't yet come, filled with togetherness and love--not really yours cause love don't really live here?

no need to cry at all--just look in the mirror, inhale, and go to sleep.
when you wake up it'll still be reality, but it's easier to accept it with a fresh perspective on living and loving...

(based on a true story)

back to the BK

stars fall on my head every single night

shine me back to heartbroken glass from four years before

i walk home

i walk home

i walk home

who will take care of me when i come home?

wings scrape dusty concrete constructing a new place for me to rest my head

i fly high i fly high i fly high

bodies soon caress winds flighty and low

coming closer to heaven with every flash of known light

i love wild i love wild i love wild

words clash on unstoppable street corners

slamming up against strangers whose eyes never before looked

i pray loud 

i pray loud

i pray loud

hands sing through the flames

firing off at the mouth busting veins with haste

i dance free

i dance free

i dance free

letting go

it's an interesting concept that i "preach" on often but have no real knowledge of
but now i know
it's a painful thing
a process that starts and stops and starts over again

i'm not sure if the poet in me is tired or tried or just old and worn
but i brought back memories that weren't so sweet of me being crazy as hell
wanting something to be new that was just what it was
old
and the same as it was the last time

so i'm moving through a season of loss
as in, i'm losing the need to feel lost anymore at the hand of a man who i love
and i always will

but i'm not gonna go up to bat to play a game that has no winner

(i speak in circles)

i give up
i quit
i found myself in the dip of my own soul wanting to be lost in yours
i am finding god in myself
and i'm loving her
dearly

Who will answer my call?

Who are we allowed to call just because?
Our friends…our mothers…lovers? Maybe not lovers
Boyfriends?
Do they have an unwritten obligation to talk to you about anything and everything you want to when you want to?

The other day I had in mind a conversation I wanted to have
Really I just wanted to talk to somebody
Tell 'em how good my God had been to me
Just say hi
Listen to their comforting voice and stuff like that

And I didn’t know who I could call
Didn’t know who might actually answer
Who might want to hear my stories
Rejoice with me

I picked up the phone a few times
Scrolled thru my contacts and their info
Couldn’t find anybody who matched the criteria
Did that mean the answer was God or me?
Or did it mean out of all the friend people I have or call myself having, they really don’t amount to much friend stuff at all?
Or was I just thinking too much?
I ended up calling two people. Neither of them answered their phones, but I hadn’t expected them to anyway.

That’s when I started typing…

words, words, words

if anybody knows shakespeare, he created a lot of tools now overly celebrated when it comes to writing and literature

so i create, especially since my new title (coined by me) is creative assistant to God....dig it, and hate if you will

ironous=ironic
overwhelmshun=highly overwhelmed

check back for updates on your new vocabulary
share that

i wanna be a volunteer again

since actually writing about one of those list items below is like the typo i just erased (a lost item...i'll go back though for SURE)

this will fall under BEING THANKFUL
cause we all got something to be thankful for

starting here:
-if you're reading this blog, you're alive--thank God

-if you're reading this blog, you have some control over what comes into your mind and probably aren't held captive (for too long) by bureatically controlled media sources that spew out all different (often dishonest) versions of the truth

-if you're reading this blog, you're likely not a victim of any present-day physically threatening crime against humanity

-if you're reading this blog, you're probably not a victim of torture (as it pertains to detainees from a certain war)

-if you're reading this blog you're among the 82% of literate people in the world...nice number, but what about the other 18%?

so alls i'm saying is, let's reach back and pull forward
there are a lot of ways to give back to the world we've been living in for however many years we've been blessed with
hence my pronouncement: i wanna be a volunteer again

high schoolers have community service requirements for graduation but i think it's unlikely that their hearts are always in it
i find that when we're forced to do something, we don't grow from it the way we would if it were by choice

there are all kinds of philosophical debates for and against my views there, not to mention the argument: well who cares if their heart is in it if the good is being done?
what i'd beg to ask then (obviously depending on the actual services being rendered) is: is it good if someone who doesn't want to volunteer goes in angry and ruins the day for those to whom he/she is supposed to be catering?

all theoretical...all a way for me to ramble away from the point, which is: let's live again in a world that suggests a "give and then take" lifestyle

i believe it's supposed to feel pretty good and add years to lives (on both sides)

late night muse

stuff that needs writing about
(i'm getting to it, though "getting" sounds as pitiful as trying these days)

-overworked and underprayed

-in relationships, is it more important to want your partner or to need them?

-being thankful...just because

-doing what you love, because it's a gift to love what you do

-overwhelmed by blessings

-tooting our own horns...BEEP BEEP!

-excuses really are the tools of the incompetent...or tools of incompetence (yes!)

-language used v. abused

Chicago is Dying (literally)

What is this world we have left behind?
Mother-father soil that brought us up and played us on its soil
where have all the playgrounds gone?
traffic turns deadly and gunshots twenty years old are revived all over again?

Chicago is dying underneath the weight of elevation gone bad
trains don't run no more, they stroll
slow and south
siding with imperfection

my home is stuck underneath layers of
sermons misconstrued
security measures extended
fear unmasked and mugged on a winter night

it's hot as hell and there's not much air here

(...work in progress by arinmaya)

The Problem with Doubt Is...

that it moves you no place
makes you stagnant and useless to any cause
and perpetuates itself in the eyes of all who watch you stand still on its face

Is anyone else tired of hearing this as an excuse?
My worry is there's just too many people in this country who aren't ready to elect a black president

in other news...

Since there is a world outside of US politics...
Though there is a reason it's so important to follow: because the $^*# we do to the world really does have to be curtailed, and soon.

Refugees often die before reaching Yemen because of dangerous sea conditions and overcrowded vessels. Others die at the hands of their smugglers, who order the passengers to jump overboard when the Yemeni coast guard approaches the vessel.

Is it me, or are we dealing with people PUTTING themselves on the very vessels that once carried slaves (metaphorically speaking) and dying the same deaths, soon after? Food riots are happening ALL OVER the world: Haiti, Somalia, Indonesia, Zimbabwe...
And all because (I have a limited understanding, so feel free to correct me if I'm wrong) farmers around the world, especially in America, have taken to planting more corn than necessary to make ethanol, which in turn rapes the soil of other nutrients that it needs to harvest other food options, hence making other foods more expensive AND scarce in other parts of the world...it's all twisted. The effects of greed and power are ENDLESS. This is one of those times that education really hurts, because it's one of those issues that's just layered and hidden, and has a simple answer but almost too many people in the way of solving this problem that's affecting too many lives that are not valued across the globe. Saddening is an understatement. If you want more/better stated info on the ethanol fuel debate, see below. Also, take seriously the electric car concept. Ideas/realities like that could keep the world afloat for maybe a little longer.

Ethanol from corn: burning money and oil

US politicians have been subsidising corn (maize) production, and its conversion to ethanol, for years. The idea is that it can be added to petrol where it both acts as fuel itself, and makes the petrol burn more efficiently and cleanly. Since it is not derived from fossil fuel it should reduce greenhouse gas emissions and help reduce American dependence on Middle Eastern oil.

Surely that’s worth the $1.4 billion annual subsidy that farmers in states like Iowa and companies like Archer Midland Daniels get every year. Greenpeace and the nuttier type of tree huggers love it.

Taxpayers may not be so keen. The full costs of the subsidy are a good deal more than the direct subsidy itself. By raising the price of corn they raise costs of food overall.

Nor does it help the environment to pay to keep about 10 million acres of land growing corn, when they might otherwise revert to nature.

The real problem with ethanol from corn is that it requires fuel to make the corn. David Pimentel a professor from Cornell has done the analysis [i]. An acre of U.S. corn can be processed into about 328 gallons of ethanol. But planting, growing and harvesting that much corn requires about 140 gallons of fossil fuels and costs $347 per acre, according to Pimentel. That is $1.05 per gallon of ethanol before the corn even moves off the farm.

The energy economics get worse at the processing plants, where the grain is crushed and fermented. As many as three distillation steps and other treatments are needed to separate the ethanol from the water. All these need energy.

Adding up the energy costs of corn production and its conversion to ethanol, 131,000 BTUs are needed to make 1 gallon of ethanol which has an energy value of only 77,000 BTU. "Put another way," Pimentel says, "about 70 percent more energy is required to produce ethanol than the energy that actually is in ethanol. Every time you make 1 gallon of ethanol, there is a net energy loss of 54,000 BTU."

Overall ethanol from corn costs about $1.74 per gallon to produce, compared with about 95 cents to produce a gallon of petrol. "That helps explain why fossil fuels -- not ethanol -- are used to produce ethanol" Pimentel says. "The growers and processors can't afford to burn ethanol to make ethanol. Drivers couldn't afford it, either, if it weren't for government subsidies to artificially lower the price."

I just ask that we all be informed, and at every turn, try to be better. Not just in personal endeavors, but in being human and making someone else's human experience better.

america's next top...democratic nominee???

as weird as this may seem, i feel like this political race is WEIRD
granted, i'm only a quarter of a century old so i've probably missed a lot where it comes to political races
but whoever loves ANTM like I do knows how you feel in the moment at the very end of the competition when there are just two girls standing there facing the judging panel
kind of wanting to clinch each others' hands, but not wanting to be tied down when it's time to start crying or jumping for joy

they just stand there, as the judges deride or congratulate them on their progress and lack thereof throughout the 14 week (?) contest
clenched teeth, hundreds of photos already taken, hungry hearts, (seldom) humble but oft humble-able spirits, passionate and driven towards a common goal...but there can only be one winner

...and then finally, one face pops up on the screen to their right
they don't automatically catch it in their periphery but the answer is right there
then finally the silence falls out and tyra announces who is America's Next Top Model
screams of jubilation--good times abound (or if you were rooting for the other girl, you just tip up that bottle of wine you were gonna celebrate with and drown the supposed hope into a "maybe next time" kind of attitude--and a winner prevails
this is not a beauty pageant
nor is it a scholarship contest with a new winner next year (though for ANTM there is always next season)
but the truth is, several lives will be changed by this very moment
the next top model will forever be changed--she is a model now (or she has a contract anyway, and a lil bit more money than she walked in with)
the judges (not quite the american public) have made a decision based on beauty and flair and a few other qualifiers that only tyra knows...and now girls (and boys) all over will either be introduced to or become more firmly settled into their ideals of beauty in america...you get the point

and i haven't even started to talk about the democratic party nomination
but to begin, it appears that we'll have to wait until the last sliver of a moment to see who's going to be the democrat's choice
we have to keep watching each episode, getting frustrated when either Barack or Hillary makes a mess in the kitchen and wants somebody else to clean it up
we are the onlookers to ridiculous arguments like who's blacker--go fig
we are theoretically silenced while the delegates or superdelegates (howard d said they're the same thing, fyi) pick and choose their candidate of choice, based on what appears to be a whim since they can't seem to vote any faster than paper absentee ballots can be counted

it just appears to me that this could go faster--lives could be better transformed (once there is a candidate, we can start rallying for people who want mccain to make a better decision)
but we're stuck in a race to see who takes the best photos while still letting their little light shine from within--or putting the other candidates' light out fast enuf not to be disqualified (though is disqualification possible? 'cause if so i have an idea...)

i guess this would be where the sponsors say,
"stay tuned"

...o' dysfunctional o'er spacious lies...

i'm tired

and you probably are too...North Carolina and Indiana are like, happening right now!
but one more word
(relevant before and after)

...by the way, like, why is it that some people don't know anything about grace and bowing out with it?
just wondering...

news just in (though known)

This (below) was one of the 200+ comments at the bottom of the link posted in my last blogpost, "Opines...." I think this respondent's words are nice and candid, short and sweet. If we're about bizness, this guy seems to know what it is. I say get 'er done. Thoughts?

Thank you for an extremely well reasoned piece. There has been so much hysteria unleashed over the Obama/Wright saga that a lucid, logical article like this one stands out like a breath of fresh air in a reeking slaughterhouse. However, without the hope and unity that Obama champions, what are we left with? Hopelessness and divisiveness. So I say to you, let's get the man elected, then we can bash him as much as we want. At least with Obama as president we'd have a chance at some kind of progress. The alternative is more of the same. Again, I really enjoyed this article and I hope it gets a lot of exposure.

Opines from the Meek and Blameless...

Or better, let's just agree to disagree
Another article sent to me by a friend--only because I feel like whoever wants to know should know
and you know, if you don't care, that's cool too
Just keep livin'

*and for clarification, or to inject my own opinion:
these articles and links i've been posting would have little to do with my french experiment (as its title just came to mind, though it could as easily be called a life experiment on realizing ones' dreams--i digress) but in actuality are all the symbols of the amerika i'm returning to
it's important that i be aware of what heat the fire is i'm walking into, and on purpose at that
the difference of opinions appears to me to be a case of how far are you willing to go? or better, how much are you willing to take?

some of us have weak stomachs--bad analogy
some of us have thin skin (much better--here goes) and some thick
however there are those of us who believe it ain't nobody's business to know what kind of skin i have 'cause u ain't about to let nobody whup me!
and this is the dividing line, i believe
it's not to say that those of us who suit up to go work on the mythic "plantation" against our wishes everyday are wrong/bowing down to massah
and it's not to say that those of us who really couldn't stand being in a confined space and must create our own livelihoods are lazy or shiftless
it's just to say, nous sommes different--we may all be the same in some ways, but in some ways we fall from different trees
and to fail to acknowledge that difference (not difficiency...i had to do it) is to fail to begin the conversation correctly

it's like the quote by El Hajj Malik El Shabazz:
"By any means necessary"

...well yea, but WHAT by any means?
declare independence by any means necessary?
maintain one's self image by any means necessary?
win a popular vote by any means necessary?
or, stay black and die by any means necessary?

my daddy always told me that's all i have to do: be black and die
i hope to do more, but i guess it's based on how the history is written that will determine whether i surpassed the requirements of me in this life i'm living

peacepeace and love

and another one

so shall the truth speak its piece...
another well-written, honest article on what we can (if not should) be focusing on that we are not--and for that failure will lead us away from our goals
happy reading!

How Graceful Would You Be?

I think this should end the argument many of us have been engaged in over the past few days...or at least shed a more brilliant light on the subjects at hand.

just trying to put it all out there...

in case you haven't seen this footage of Father Flager from Chicago.
Just another FOX piece--ain't they great?
http://www.foxnews.com/video2/video08.html?videoId=1fd1c0cf-5c80-4d75-996f-bd53b2461ae0&sMPlaylistID

...but can he (still) win it?

a GREAT friend of mine said today: "I truly hope Barack wins now....I mean it would be TERRIBLE for him to sell out someone he's been friends with for 20 years and LOSES."

Truer words...well there is a lot of untruth being spoken these days, so who's to determine true versus truER...?
Anyway, I saw this and have another friend working on his campaign in NC who feels pretty good about his vote there, and I can say this clip made me feel good about a man who may just still have a good chance (we hope) at being the Democratic nominee...



Of course I may have also been moved by the topic of this ad given I JUST 24 hours ago watched Who Killed the Electric Car? (see my last blog)

try this on for size--unless you prefer oil to life

Maybe I'm just too young, but it turns out I never knew that there had actually truly existed an Electric Car

Consider watching the 92 minute video WHO KILLED THE ELECTRIC CAR that the trailer advertises. (You'll have to look to the column on the left and click the video.) I was surprised by the obviousness of what it suggests. How we (the US of A--government, oil companies, car companies, etc) have refused to go with the greener options for YEARS.

I hope you take the little time it takes to get upset and then excited about what you can do to change something for so much better.

...did you throw up the hook...?!?!?

oh how I love my pastor bka Uncle Pops...enjoy truth as it unfolds (you may even laugh til you cry)







(and feel free to ignore the part in the last video when the guy who was recording this whole spiel (thanks!) starts talking...unnecessary)
Ashe

'nuf said

Sometimes I feel like a wordless mouth...

(so here's to a few words i love spoke/wrote by some great people i know...or want to):

Equal, fair and decent political representation is our birthright. Take ownership.
--Raquel Wilson, founder of dopeswan.com

i'll do my darius-lovehall-up-the-stairs-creep just to share something beautiful with you. it's my pleasure to court you.
--Akoben, poet and much more, romancallus.blogspot.com

history is like a clock it tells a people where they are,
where they have been and where they should go. History in relationship to
the people is like the relationship of a mother to a child.
--Vernon Mitchell, historian and PhD candidate

i hope paris is stinky with the stench of freedom and life and exploration. from what you write, smells like it is.
--Joy Marie Conway, my soulfunksister and singer and Master's candidate

more to come...i'm just celebrating the angels who lift me up everyday
love and light

i wanna come home

I found out i have days and days off of work--i should be practicing, but i'm struggling trying to pull together my list of songs to record (if i can even get my musicians together...who won't email me back!!!)
i feel like i'm playing a waiting game and it isn't even fun...
BUT this game: http://www.freerice.com
which i bet lots of you have already heard of, is GREAT

i'm gonna try to get back on the positive kick-i just need to get out of the house
which i could do if i put on shoes and leave
but where to go???

(yes, i do sometimes complain about things that are withIN my control)
hope you can love me still and deal with it :)

what are you doing in your life?

...well actually i'm focusing on writing songs right now, getting ready to record some standards during my last few days here in france, then getting ready (mentally prepped) to come back to the states and duke it out with anyone who would tell me "you can't" or any variation therein

...trying to get my money right, after an absolutely amazing trip to the south of France (nice, monaco, and a little italy...not to be confused with nyc's little italy)

...enjoying my few days off from work, since the little girl (Mery) and her grandmother both went to Martinique (where their family is from) to be present for the funeral of Aimé Césaire, since they're close family friends--yes...WOW

...waking up to sunny mornings, ready but still sleepy-eyed while giving thanks to God for another chance

...missing my friends and family, but getting excited about coming back, 'cause there really is no place like home

...working (every now and then) to update my myspace page, which doesn't have much updated info on it, other than pics. check it out: http://www.myspace.com/arinmayamusic

...loving me and life, 'cause "this ain't no dress rehearsal!"

Why does silence feel so good?

Sometimes it's a good thing to reflect...and sometimes it's great to shout and give praise where it's due...

Ok, now that I've gotten that out of my system, I have to give a very special shout out to a new (or old depending on how you qualify association) friend who is pursuing music along the same veins as I am. Both she and I are singers who have been hiding our God given talents for so long.
And now it's time for us to shine.
Her name is Kristen Rogers and she's got a new blog: bathroomfreestyle.blogger.com

Self-promotion is the best promotion.
And I have to share a brief part of a message I just sent to Kristen:
OMG--i used to work in publicity and realized it didn't make sense for me to promote other people's stuff when i could be promoting myself--but then i never DID it...i have so many things to be thankful for and so many things i want everybody to know

i will admit it often comes out scatterbrained when i say things of myself
i'm still hiding lots behind my silences...
i gotta figure this thing out

just to begin (since there's no time like the present):
1-i LOVE to sing, can't help myself really and must make it (after praising God) the biggest part of me
2-i also love to knit and crochet, had a trunk show at my house last season and am still working on creating accessories that bring the funk to wonderful people like you
3-i'm a poet (arinmaya.blogspot.com) and finished (in January) editing my 1st poetry book (and am in need of a publisher) called: This Is My [Love] Story, This Is My Song

OK, that's enuf for now, but more on all those fronts in the near future
Why not let myself be a few of my favorite things?
if i don't tell my story, who will?







obviously i need to work on my game face as i sing/begin to...but it's coming, it's coming

lovelove and goodness

Does anyone remember this song???

C'est cool AND What's it really like...?

How cool is it that my blog got tagged?
A friend through many friends, Tiasha Stevens from Chicago, who I believe just recently joined the blog community, mentioned my blog in HER blog...how sweet!

...and now, the topic for today:
as i was sitting on the RER A (a commuter train, similar to the Metra in Chicago--taken lots by me and other cool kids who commuted during junior high and high school--shout out Whitney Young Ackies and the track team, FloPitt this is for you) train tonight and feeling a little bit weirded out, I thought to myself, in all my ranting and raving about RANDOM paris stuff, I feel like i've given no real sense of what it's really like to be here

i think that's got a lot to do with my first few weeks having been spent in a slight awed state...then when i was getting settled i was dealing with home drama...prayed on it, gave it to God, let it go...got re-settled and am now kind of used to it

i have a different voice now and can better speak to Paris as i speak to life regularly (for anyone who was around before there was an "Aris of Paris" (shoutout to Rev. Otis Moss III of TUCC...stay strong Trinitarians. Uncle Pops my heart is always with you))

the point?
what is it actually LIKE to be here?
well it's definitely a different country, as evidenced by the whole language barrier (which, by the way, i'll admit to speaking a helluva lot of ENGLISH lately)
it works, sorry, i'm american--BUT, I can conduct conversations in French and do not advocate for stupidity/ignorance when visiting different countries!

tonight i'll say this for "being here"...
in Paris there are a lot of RULES/regles (reg-luhs)
i think i must have gotten it from my Beauty & the Beast love affair I had with the movie and soundtrack, but it always seemed to me that Paris was "provencial" which is another reason why I still often marvel at the size of this city. It's pretty darn big. The metro goes about anywhere. Think NYC train system but not burroughs, just everything in one big blob, though very pretty and gorgeously designed architecture, etc.
But, I go back to "rules"
It's annoying--and it's more a feeling that you know somebody somewhere is trying to control you in some weird way JUST because they're used to things being whatever way they usually are.
For instance, I got a ticket yesterday on the tram, which is like an electric trolley. It's been around for a little while (1 year, though it took 3 years to build supposedly) and the RATP (train) police asked to see my ticket...they do a lot of "control" stuff here, which feels like you're constantly being audited. And I don't mean just certain people--it's EVERYBODY.
So they asked to see it and i showed them the card I use which does not have MY picture on it, but my roommate's picture because the card takes too long to come in the mail and i didn't know it was problem. Turns out it is and I had to pay 40 euro, which if anybody's paying attention to the SINKING DOLLAR is about $60...or it was yesterday.
That they even came up to me, and everybody else on the tram asking to see the tickets signifies somebody all up in my bizness. Maybe I'm over-reacting, but I was also slightly put off when last night I tried to buy wine and was told at the register, after having already selected, with approval from my new friend Michelle (after we spent an amazing 2.5 hours at the Georges Pompidou Center library!), a great bottle of red wine. I think it was a--okay I don't remember, but it wasn't Bordeaux, it was 2005 and it was only 3,02 euro (and no, the comma isn't a mistake. they write it just like that)...and yes you really can get good bottled wine here for the equivalent of $5 (which is one of the few things i don't complain about...what i DO complain about is having to buy wine in glasses at music shows/bars that cost MORE than a good bottle--often 6,50 euro!)

i digress...
I had the wine in hand and what do they tell me at the register? "Oh, sorry, we can't sell you wine after 9pm"
Now, I know there are certain states (CT for instance) that still have blue laws. I do not live in CT, so I have never had to deal with such condemnations of FREEDOM to support economy!
Now granted, my wine disappointment had much to do with the fact that I'd felt robbed from earlier in the day when the stupid RATP idiots made me pay 40 euro, but ultimately i just felt like my day (and the day previous) called for wine. I felt brutally rebuffed (Clueless, circa 199?) and complained for at least 38 minutes. It's some law that they can't sell after 21:00 hours.
UGH!!!
rules, laws, everywhere...
and don't forget to say "merci, au revoir" as you leave each store. Not a bad thing, but a small (polite-ish) adjustment.

But at the end of the day, I suppose it's one of those "if you can't beat 'em, join 'em" situations.
And I, for one, am still not convinced that Paris is for me. But I am here now--telling you what it's really like :)

(and yes, i suppose in a way this is--at least for this brief fleeting moment--the return of the long blog by ArinMaya--enjoy!)

je connais...i know!

it's been forever
and i wish i could stay longer but i gotta go to bed, but know these things:
1-the Lord is in His holy temple (worship and adore His holy name).......give to Him a perfect sacrifice, give to Him a more excellent praise [the last part was just for those who didn't know the rest]
2-I've been not posting because i've been busy taking pics, singing, meeting AMAZING musicians, doing God's thing through me
3-Paris is still great but I do still have plans to rentrer (as in come back)
4-i'm going to Berlin next week!
5-regarding singing, I've been making "regular" (over the course of one week and going up to next monday) appearances at Le Blue Note, Paris; The Area Bar/Restaurant, Paris; Swan Bar, Paris; etc...
AND I've shared the stage with ridiculous saxophonists/pianists/batteurs (drummers) and more...Roy Hargrove made an appearance last week--i'll post pics soon
songs i've sung:
summertime/round midnight/april in paris/from this moment on/god bless the child/one note samba/our love is here to stay...any other ideas? send em my way...


I'm naming myself ArinMaya--Jazz/Soul/Funk/R&B/unclassifiable
and i pray to stay this way

I'm attaching here some inspiration for those of us who value and respect music theory (and i know i have SO long to go to really GET it) and know talent when it's quite blatant like this

all the love in the world from this coast to yours
arinmaya

this is what i'm working towards...i got a long way to go

regardez-vous, encore!

take a look...actual pics :)


Couch surfing crêperie party--me and yui! eating is tiring :)


tell me you don't agree about the doors--gorgeous, right?


yes, i had my hair braided...and it itched so i'm back to my hair on my head, but that's YANIQUE and the baby piérre...this was before the good food last night--week b4 last (i think)


Palais Royal du Louvre (or something like that...comme ça)--how AMAZING is this? (this may be the ONLY place that I've seen so far that would beat a date incluée Le Buckingham Fountain à Chicago...breathtaking really (the Louvre I mean)


i look so little! this is inside the louvre---sepia toned and happy

How I got so HIGH

sans les drogues...(w/o illegal substances)
this is a bit longish, but SO good, so worth it and SUCH a blessing
My linesister and angel-cousin, Candace Bates, sent it to my line and I think it's the kind of piece many of us have seen pieces of before in forwards, but the entire piece is so powerful and a wonderful testament to the power of faith and endurance
I'm sharing it because it meant so much to me...and like musiq said (1st album, aijuswanaseing) on the final track (title bolded):
"people have a tendency to think to themselves/that they're the only ones going through more things than anyone else/but oh i beg to beg to differ/if you would just consider the much bigger picture/cause then you would see that/most people go through the same things that you do in life/but you'll be alright"

soi figured since Somebody's gonna profit from the sharing, there's no harm
no pressure to read more than 250 words for those of you with short attention spans (lol)
sorry...i had to insert at least 1 joke

enjoy--be blessed...

Soaring Like Eagles
by Mary Whelchel

Monday April 19, 2004
Isaiah 40:31: "Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles." How often we've quoted and sung this verse, but I wonder, do we really soar on wings like eagles? And what does that mean, after all?

Did you know that 32 times in scripture the eagle is used as an example of the Christian life? That's because eagles are unusual birds who are born to soar higher and faster than any other bird. And as God's eagles, we are made to soar in heavenly realms.

Eagles always build their nests in the highest possible place for three reasons:
1. As protection from their enemies
2. As a perch for surveying the territory
3. As an energy-saving launching pad.

The Word of God is to us like the nest is to the eagle. It is our
protection—our shield—from the enemy of our soul. The written Word gives you a strategic view of the world around you, shows you where to fly and where not to fly; warns you of dangers out in that big world. When your launching pad is God's eternal Word, you're really able to soar like an eagle.

Maybe you've been trying to soar from the ground up. Been flapping your wings a lot lately but going nowhere? You need a better launching pad. Isaiah begins this 40th chapter by reminding us that the Word of our God stands forever.

Jesus is the Word of God incarnate—the Word made flesh that dwelled among us. He stands forever; His love for us will last forever; nothing can separate us from His love; He will never leave us or forsake us. If you're not soaring on wings of eagles these days, check it out. The launching pad is the Word of God. No other take-off will work.

Have you been soaring lately, or have you been more like a canary, in a cage singing a little tune but not accomplishing very much? Or perhaps like a buzzard, sitting on telephone poles, watching everybody else, eating dead things. Or do you look more like a peacock, pruning your feathers?

Tuesday April 20, 2004
When baby eagle is born, her home is a very soft, secure, cozy nest, high up in a secure place. Mamma and Papa are very good parents, and they make the nest as comfortable as possible for their little one. And there the eaglet happily grows until it reaches 80% of its full body size and weight by three months.

While baby eagle is safely tucked in the nest, getting stronger and
growing bigger, Mamma and Papa soar and hover over her, showing her what eagles are meant to do. But with such a comfortable nest, baby eagle is content to be a freeloader and just let mom and dad take care of her.

But one day Mamma and Papa start behaving very strangely. They don't bring any goodies to eat, but instead they start grabbing hunks of the comfortable down in the nest and dropping it over the side. Little by little, they take away all the warm, soft lining until finally the baby eagle is left in that very uncomfortable, sticky, prickly nest. Why do they do this? Because the eaglet will never fly and soar as long as her nest is feathered—and an eagle is born to soar.

Finally, Mamma eagle does something that seems so cruel to baby eagle. She grabs her with her huge talons and she puts that baby on the edge of a precipice. This upsets baby eagle no end. She is scared to death, as she looks down below.

But Mamma and Papa pay no attention to the baby's cries for help, because they know it's time she learns to soar. She was born to soar, but she doesn't know it yet. They've got to show her what her destiny is.

Is your nest being stirred up these days? Did you ever think that maybe your heavenly Father is trying to teach you how to soar? Deuteronomy 32:11: "Like an eagle that stirs up its nest and hovers over its young, that spreads its wings to catch them and carries them on its pinions."

Wednesday April 21, 2004
If you've been born from above, you were born to soar like an eagle. As we saw, baby eagle is allowed to stay in her warm, high nest until she is about three months old and has developed her wings. Then Mamma and Papa start to teach that baby what her destiny is—how to soar. First they remove all the soft lining from her nest, then Mamma picks her up and puts her on a precipice, out of her warm, safe nest.

While Mamma is maneuvering baby eagle to the edge, Papa eagle begins circling overhead, watching carefully everything that is happening. Then suddenly, without warning Mamma eagle pushes the baby over the edge. This begins a free-fall and baby eagle is totally helpless. It appears that she is doomed to be dashed on the rocks below, and she is totally bewildered as to why Mamma would do this to her.

Papa, hovering overhead, never takes his eyes off of her, and with perfect timing he swoops down with incredible speed and spreads his huge wings beneath that baby eagle before it is dashed to death below. You see, an eaglet cannot fall faster than her father can fly.

Are you in a free fall? Do you feel as though you're going to be dashed against the rocks and destroyed? I want you to remember that your Heavenly Father is hovering over you, watching you every minute, and I want to absolutely assure you that your heavenly Father can fly faster than you can fall.

This process is repeated time and again until that baby eagle realizes that by spreading her wings and catching the wind current, she can soar like Mamma and Papa.

God wants you to know the joy and freedom of soaring, and once you get the gist of it, you won't ever settle for anything else. It may sometimes seem like a painful flying lesson, but you don't want to miss the joy of soaring. Remember that the eagle rides the air currents while the other birds are flapping their wings. She flies effortlessly, because she learns how to soar on the wind. And as God's eagle, you don't have to flap your wings. If you will, by faith, spread out those eagles' wings, they will carry you on God's Wind, His Spirit.

1 Thessalonians 5:24: "The one who calls you is faithful and he will do it."

Thursday April 22, 2004
Eagles—the Bible tells us in several passages that we are to soar like
eagles. We're not supposed to squawk like chickens, or gobble like
turkeys, or twirp like canaries. We're supposed to soar, so we've been learning how eagles learn to soar.

It can be a painful process, as that young eagle has to be pushed off a high precipice and start a disastrous downfall. But Papa eagle is always hovering over her, and he never allows her to be dashed against the rocks below, because Papa eagle can fly faster than baby eagle can fall.

Doesn't that encourage your heart—to know that your heavenly Father will never allow you to be dashed against the stones, because He can fly faster than you can fall.

There's another eagle fact that is encouraging. Do you know what an eagle does when it is being chased by an enemy? Well, unlike any other bird, the eagle has two sets of eyelids, and one works like sunglasses. Therefore, the eagle can fly directly into the sun when a predator bird is in hot pursuit. As soon as the eagle flies into the sun, using its special sunglass eyelids, then the enemy bird is blinded by the sun and loses the eagle in the blinding light of the sun.

What a beautiful reminder that is to us of how we can escape our enemies. You are aware that you have an enemy of your soul, satan and his demons, who are dedicated to keeping you from soaring. They know you're God's eagle, but they don't want you to soar because when you soar, you are effective for Jesus. So, that enemy will come after you in various ways—through discouragement, through failure, through sin in your life, by convincing you that you'll never be able to soar. Is that where you are?

All you have to do is fly right into the Son of God, get as close to Him as you can, stay in first love with Him, and don't take your eyes off of Him. Your enemy is blinded by the righteousness of the Son of God, and when you stay close to Jesus, you can escape the temptations and the flaming arrows of the evil one.

People will disappoint you; circumstances will go sour; your dreams may crumble and your hopes may be dashed. But I can absolutely, positively guarantee you that Jesus will never fail you. Never, and if you'll fly right straight into the Son, you will have victory over your enemies, and you'll soar on wings of an eagle.

Friday April 23, 2004
Isaiah 40:31: "Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." I'm glad to know that God is able to renew my strength, aren't you?

One of the most astonishing characteristics about eagles is the molting process they go through. About mid-life eagles experience this unusual chemical change in their bodies, and the time of molting begins. The eagle will seek out a secluded valley and sit for hours and days there with her head down. One by one she starts to lose her feathers. Her talons become brittle from digging in the dirt. She loses weight; she can no longer soar. Hope is dead; her strength is gone.

Suddenly she hears familiar sounds above her. Slowly she raises her head and sees that her fellow eagles are there flying in formation above her. They begin to drop food all around this lifeless eagle in the valley. When the forlorn eagle starts to eat, she gets stronger. Gradually her feathers grow and eventually she is able to fly and soar again. Her strength is renewed.

And as the eagle's strength is renewable, so is ours. They that wait on and hope in the Lord will renew their strength. And then they will mount up with wings like eagles. This is our promise from the Lord our God.

Notice that when our strength is renewed, first we mount up on wings. Then we run, and then we walk. Before we can walk and run in this everyday world, as ambassadors for Christ, we need to mount up on wings like eagles, and soar right into the Son of God. That's where we find the power and the patience and the perspective we need for walking and running in this world.

I want to encourage you that God can renew your strength so that you can soar like an eagle. No matter how hopeless it looks, God is able to renew you. And if you know some fellow Christian who is in that valley right now, maybe you can be one of those encouragers who drops some meat to them, shows them God's love and helps them to renew their strength.

I hope to see you soaring!

(Mary’s book, Soaring on High, gives more spiritual insights from the life of an eagle. You can order by calling 1-800-292-1218 or online at www.christianworkingwoman.org)

lovelovelove and peace...and flight

J'ai ecrit

When i listened to that wonderful song last night, i wrote this:
This song
Be real black for me
Even in this moment when I have to squint to write these words
Makes me feel
Good
I remember the first time I heard it
It was with you
I had never heard it before
It just sounds so good
And it feels so good
To be in this place I’m in right now of fullness and love and light that can’t be taken away
It belongs to me
The love and the light
They live in me
Manifesting themselves as the breath I breathe
The smiles I give the space of my teeth through which to shine

Hold me hold me hold me

I’m smiling just to remember the memory of hearing the song the first time
To be held in the presence of a voice and love so undeserved by me
He loved me first
Reliving that time of unrealized goodness is
Real good for me

. . . . . . . . . .
here are the lyrics--i always like seeing the words
regardez-vous (take a look)
Our time is short and precious
Your lips warm and luscious
You don’t have to wear false charms
Cause when I wrap you in my hungry arms
Be real black for me
Be real black for me

Your hair is soft and crinkly
Your body’s strong and stately
You don’t have to search and roam
Cause I got your love at home
Be real black for me
Be real black for me

In my head I’m only half together
If I lose you I’ll be ruined forever
Darling, take my hand and hold me
Hold me hold me, Hold me hold me

You know how much I need you
To have you, really feel you
You don’t have to change a thing
No one knows the love you bring
Be real black for me
Be real black for me
Be real black for me
Be real black for me
Be real black for me
Be real black for me
Be real black for me
Be real black for me
Be real black for me

okay...d'accord

i admit
that was a pitiful attempt at a short blog
i'm just wordy
je suis desolée!
j'ai beaucoup des choses que je veux te racconter..i got lots to tell you!
right now it's 4:30am here
Obama won WISCONSIN...how WONDERFUL (not that i'm partial or anything...)
ok, cut that crap
I FULLY support Obama and, you know, if you do too that's cool
or if you don't that's cool too

i just wanted to share a couple things that have given me joy over the past few days...that have lifted me high and higher as I try everyday to live the life God wants for me
joy-filled and close and closer to Him and always in His will

this song, shared with me by a good lifetime friend sung by roberta flack and donny hathaway, just makes me feel good
ohhh, i found it on youtube!
enjoy....

Quelle Journée!

I've been meaning to post for days...and now je ne sais pas óu je peux commencer (i don't know where to start!)
well, i'll just tell my story from today

and i think i can do it briefly, though à la fin, je pense que tu me diras
...at the end, you'll say it was a bit...dull
I hope you'll learn your lesson :)

first i start with last night (hush up/taisez-vous!--it won't be that much longer!)
i hung out with my friend yanique most of the day yesterday--she helped me twist my hair (yay) pics to follow
and when she had to go to the grocery store (Franprix...but there are several (monoprix...ED is the best/la meilleure!) i went with her because on my new list of "things to do/que je voudrais faire (want to do)" was get a bottle of wine, to drink at leisure...
so i went to get wine and then to go home
but whilst we shopped...or while she shopped, i must have wondered so long about what I was going to cook at home (at the dorm) that she invited me back for dinner
so i ate WONDERFUL food with my friend yanique and her cute baby piérre and her wonderful sarcastic wedding photographer husband olivier* (www.olivierlalinweddings.com AND www.olivierlalin.com)
*for whom i'm gonna try to help with some small publicity work while I'm here! and if you have any ideas of wedding-related companies/industries that can link to his site, please send me suggestions--it's always good to have fresh ideas and build bigger lists

...so we ate great food (pics of empty plates to follow)...during the meal, the guy who i met on the train last thursday who i thought just looked cool and might be a decent french speaking comrade called me...ten times in a row
ladies, if they do this, RUN
men, if a woman does this, RUN

suffice it to say, i think he's crazy and probably won't be answering his calls because as the texts before and after the ten (fast succession) calls stated, "[he] wants to see me"

right. i get that, but not really--je suis desolée!

onto today's wonderfulness:
left the room late
namik was in town! (my good NYC friend)
went to library to return/renew book (très facilement! sooooo easy!) by Margaret Atwood (a handmaid's tale...la servante écarlate)
and ended up staying at the library for a couple hours just reading a great article/dossier in Jazz Magazine
i experienced joy just sitting there reading the magazine (and my dictionary simultaneously) and taking notes every other word into my journal for the words i don't know
and je suis certain that my time was SO much better spent at the library than in the class I'm no longer taking! :)
so i read jazz articles and fell in love all over again with jazz and music and maybe a little with french...but mostly just jazz
i gotta study it--anybody know any good books? (please leave comments/laissez-vous votre commentaire, s'il vous plait)
glanced through marie claire (french version) took a few pics of knitting-inspiration, and left to meet namik and terence for dinner
fast fwd (this is getting long--sorry!)
dinner was just food
(sorry...the place i intended for us to go had only meat and we don't really do that, so we went to a indian place that was half decent but nothing to speak of)
THEN we went to a jazz spot and i SANG
it was a "jam session" similar to open mics but the musicians/band isn't quite "on it" like in nyc
granted the songs are not french, but still
so he didn't know the song i wanted to sing (our love is here to stay) so i had to sing...


April in Paris...go fig
he didn't know how to transpose so it was also too high
but...i sang as well as i could
some head voice
tried to breathe well
hey, you know...better luck next time
Café Universel
and i'm going back next week...maybe even friday to see this girl (who i haven't yet determined i likeyet--hence my attendance to the free concert!)

tomorrow: swan bar for vocal jam session #2
Arin in Paris

is Paris ready.....????

last word (mot finale): i'm gonna start traveling soon--got suggestions? tell me--love love and peace

worry-pt.2

Sometimes I think it registers as easier to worry than not

Somehow it comes easier to our psyches to fill ourselves with things beyond us than to let go of these things—to release them to the creator of the gift of life we are given to LIVE (not to worry)

It’s a constant battle I think
Of mind over matter?
No
Of faith over fear

We—or at least I, have a responsibility to myself to give honor to God who has ALL the power
When I am weak he is strong
When I don’t know where to go
When I don’t know what to do
He knows

He knows my heart
He knows my intentions
He knows all my comings and my goings
He tells me where to go
I don’t always listen—I don’t always do what He would have me do, but he always makes a way for me to find a way back to Him
His mercy and His grace are my daily bread
What would I do without it?
Certainly I would perish
Perhaps not physically but spiritually, mentally, emotionally

I HAVE to give things over to Him because I am not equipped to carry their load
There’s a song by Take 6: come unto me all ye that labor, and I will give you rest, take my yoke upon you, and learn of me, for I am meek and lowly of heart, and ye shall find rest unto your souls, rest unto your souls, rest unto your souls, it’s easy…ooooh, for my burden is light…

I forget this ALL the time
I forget “ye though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I shall fear no evil for thou art with me, thy rod and thy staff, they do comfort me”

(bobby mcferrin’s version—medicine man)
The lord is my Shepard I have all I need
She makes me walk in green meadows
Beside the still waters she will lead
She restores my soul
She rights my wrongs
She leads me in a path of good things
And fills my heart with songs
Even though I walk
Through a dark and dreary land
There is nothing that can shake me
She has said she won’t forsake me I ---
She sets a table before me in the presence of my fools
She anoints my head with oil and my cup overflows
Surely
Surely goodness and kindness will follow me
All the days of my life
And I will live in a house forever
Forever and ever
Glory be to our mother
And daughter
And to the holy of holies
As it was in the beginning
It now and ever shall be
World without end
Amen
-------
Our father
Which art in heaven
Hallowed be thy name
Thy kingdom come
Thy will be done
On earth
As it is in heaven
Give us this day
Our daily bread
And forgive us our debts/trespasses
As we forgive our debtors/those who trespass against us
But lead us not into temptation
But deliver us from evil
For thine is the kingdom
And the power
And the glory
Forever
Amen

My favorite part of His glory…these songs and prayers that are His truth…is the prayer that HIS will be done
Because in all my worrying and thinking and thinking and overthinking I trust at least that whatever does happen is HIS will.
I often forget that part too—that throughout all my days, numbered though they may be, it’s His will being carried out. And I love, trust and honor Him enough to give my life to Him, just as He gave His life for me

By the way...this may take a lil while

Je ne veux que vous croyons que je fait rien ici...as in, i don't want you to think i do absolutely nothing while i'm here

I have some pretty great conversations (certainly specific to my being here and taking time "to get away...free[ing my] mind...and fly[ing] away"-thanks ledisi) with people who i love...like my linesister natalie, who recently inspired me to throw out my fear and really get up off my a** and DO the research and DO the work to get where I want to be
I guess I spend a lot of time wishing, hoping, thinking, praying that inspiration will come (which, by the way it often does) but work is not at all a bad pursuit towards attaining happiness.
I want to share a part of our long-ish convo with you...and anyone else who may feel me on my quarter-life crisis(hness)
[and this is NOT to discount/diminish anyone else's imprint or effect on me before i got here or right now, and trust me there're a LOT of you]

(in medias res)
NAT: and first off Arin
9:36 PM it takes a LOT of guts to
quit your job
and travel abroad ALONE
NAT: some people go their whole lives without seeing an ocean
from the plane
ME: God worked it all out
NAT: its a HUGE thing
ME: yea--Thanks
NAT: plus you are HELLA young
we aren’t even 30
you got PLENTY of time to work
I had a friend who quit working at JPMC
and moved to Brazil
for 2 years
9:37 PM ME: this is how i know i'm surrounded with GOOD people
not that GOOD means you always get it
but good people who even when they don't get it say, ok
i'm with you
cause at the end of the day, that's what matters
the there-ness, you know?
I am So thankful for that
p.s. you really are pretty smart nat
i mean i know you know that
but it's pretty effing cool
9:43 PM NAT: ha
thanks Arin
trust me
i understand where you are coming from
people who don’t take risks
are the ones who don’t get it
ME: ...indeed :)
9:44 PM NAT: what are you trying to do?
ME: well, lots actually
ME: what am i trying to do?
sing
and write
NAT: Ohhh
gotcha
in the meantime?
ME: i'm working on my (same) poetry book now
editing it down
singing--i may want to go back to school for that
NAT: would you be a speech writer?
oh ok
that’s FABULOUS
ME: i'm planning on taking a look at berklee in boston when i get back
NAT: well why don’t you try to go to school abroad for singing?
why come back
9:46 PM ME: that could be cool
NAT: i would try at least-never hurts to try
try to go for an international program
sometimes the states is just too conventional
ME: i have to say i kind of suck at researching programs
you're right
not to mention too expensive
9:47 PM NAT: well now
so in the EU
but i am sure you will be more inspired there than here
a lot more to capture the moment
ME: i feel like there's often not a clear way to find out about programming
you know?
9:48 PM NAT: yeah there is
just google what you want and it will come up
i don’t care if its a string of random words, you will find something
i just googled
music
+ masters
+ international and stuff came up
ME: you actually put the + sign in there?
NAT: yeah
ME: hmm…i never tried that before
i guess it's time for me to buckle down, huh?
:)
lol
thank you nat!!!!
9:53 PM NAT: yeah
you gotta be looking for it to find it
this ain’t like finding a man
ME: Music is the only thing I can think to do
as in, going to school
committing to
giving time to
i could get a writing degree
but i feel like time would better be used to workshops and seminars for that
and time just spent reading and being self inspired
NAT: well then do it arin
you gotta be willing to put time into finding programs
9:58 PM its all available
thats the beauty of the internet
ME: hmm
i am finding some cool stuff
NAT: i have found that too much research leads to no action
Fast fwd…this is where NAT become goddess of knowledge and wonderful faith and things to come—faites-attention! (if you're still with me, that is)
NAT: don’t be so hard on yourself
trust me
the grass is always greener
i have to remember that a lot myself
that we are all super blessed
11:03 PM regardless of whether we are doing what other people want us to or not
and... sometimes its really hard to leap out on faith
for our dreams
when i quit at the bank... i told people that I was going to come out from my Master program making at least 15K more
and everyone was like... you are going to work for a nonprofit
you aren’t gonna make that kind of money
plus they didn’t think that it would be possible for me
because i was going to a school that wasn’t harvard
11:04 PM well...
today I make 25K more than I did
at the bank
didn’t pay for college
had a fantastic opportunity that landed me in ebony
and have lived in a couple of different places
but it was really hard
when i was trying to think about doing it
11:05 PM cause i couldn’t get the buy-in i wanted for it
and my own dad said the degree is what secretaries
get
but i did it anyway
and lived in a studio in LA
got paid 25K for 14 months
worked
went to school
and at the end of the day
had the BEST F***** time of my life
even though I was broke as f***
and had to ask my manager for money to eat sometimes
11:07 PM ME: i love it
11:08 PM you're such a doer
NAT: we all are
we just gotta figure out what it is
that makes us reach our tipping point
and what it is that leads us to our passion
and have faith that things will work out
for us in the end
and know that we can’t measure our lives by someone else’s
which i struggle with a lot
but we can’t do that
11:10 PM for me
i remember i told someone that
i could be married and have a 100K salary
and be cool
and this dude liked to s*** himself
11:11 PM well.. fact of the matter is
that there are people who make less than that
that have worldly goods
my sisters husband
his aunt
benz and BMW
paid
house paid off
and they work at the damn post office

(There was more, but you get the point…)
--which is, i don't mind the questions. i rather like them very much--they lead me (as i hope i sometimes do you) to get where i'm going.
lovelovepeace and respect...and patience

old and new

ms. chen, it looks about as appetizing as it was, but it was my first real meal here. i haven't been back to the place yet, but i have passed it by in hopes of better things to come (and come they have) :)


the seine...again
i say, the chgo river wins this time


street sign--because without them i haven't much an idea of where i am, or where i'm going



fun times in the city...pas loin de notre dame, à côté de la seine (not far from notre dame, next to the seine--major river in paris)
SUCH a great day


for flo-pitt: make your dreams come true (so i can come back to visit you!)

Des Images

La Seine


the mayor's (old) house...and people at the crosswalk


don't worry...i know him; he's my Bordeaux man, François (how appropriate!)
we had lunch that day, and a whole bottle of WINE (it was like...1:30pm)

by the way, i took this pic because i find there are lots of randomly placed carousels here, which makes me think somebody had the idea paris would surely be a novel place to visit...because who doesn't love a carousel?

what an amazing backdrop (to a great yawn)...even typing the word made me yawn


notre dame!

obviously chicago was built at a different time and for different purposes than Paris...but this architecture here sometimes has me feeling a little...small

Fio Maravilha, you speak the truth

1st- Merci beaucoup again for all of you who are reading me and loving me from afar.
I thrive off of your thoughts and goodness in prayers and joys for me. I will come back one day (even though several are voting I can stay until you visit--Vite-Vite!...(hurry, hurry!))

2nd-(and i'll try to keep this short and doux/sweet)--I just saw a comment on one of my most recent blogs from a good friend from preschool (shout-out to NCDC!) and in the comment she said I don't need a man i Paris, however fun it may be--this IS paris people. She went on to say the reason I don't need a man here is because Paris will end up making me love myself for having come at all.

My friend speaks truth. I know I've already spoken of the book Eat, Pray & Love, even to the degree you would think I'm still doing book publicity, but alas, I just believe in good books. And I HIGHLY suggest it to you ALL. Not just women.
There's a passage in the book when the author says something about how at least from the Italian perspective, Americans seem to LOVE working as hard as they do. That [we] don't spend much time actually pursuing happiness, or indulging in it. It has something to do with the Puritan roots, perhaps. And while I do love to succeed at doing well at what I pursue, I have to say I may not be a real authentic American, because I'm enjoying this time away from work immensely.
The amount of clarity, time, creativity, happiness I'm garnering from this trip already have been great. It's hard for me to vocalize my feelings, and I know I have yet to experience all the joy that will come from me having taken this journey--I'd even go as far as to say I should stay away from these "treacherous" men for at least a whole week...as much as I love the fair/er sex (depending on how you view it), I find my energy in their presence often zapped away...my attention often distracted and something beautiful passing me by.

The other night, I walked around after meeting a friend of my mentor for coffee (i had vin chaud, of course), in search of the American Church of Paris to find job listings, housing opps. I couldn't find it at first, but I found the words of my friend Johanes rang true. The joy of Paris lies largely in just walking around, seeing what's here, enjoying the architecture, the light of the eiffel tower, the dark of the early evening (there's hardly any sun over here), and countless other unknowns. I found myself taking pictures of doors.


Doors, guys. They're GORGEOUS--seriously. I'll post them soon, but there are so many treasures here...and they lead me to discover treasures in me. To walk around lost, not only in body, but in mind. Trying to figure out what I'm here for, what my path is and should be. TO somehow relish in this cluelessness for a sec, knowing the resolution will come in its time, and to not fear it when it does.
How often do we get to enjoy the joy of (1) not doing, and MUCH more importantly I think (2) not KNOWING...?
Take a second to understand that what you know is little to nothing, and then take a minute...or hour...or lifetime, to be thankful (to whomever you choose to thank) that you don't have to know because you are loved and kept safe by something bigger than (i know, hard to believe) even yourself.
It's an awesome thing. Embrace it. Love life.
And smile :)