Wednesday, November 14, 2007

Shooting off at the heart/brain

So I get to work early-ish (yay!) and after admiring my coworker’s dress, see that she’s brought something new into the office: a hot water heater. It resembles a humidifier.

She’s brought it in because the one we have in our kitchen (“our” being the nonprofit where I work) is slow and isn’t quite effective. (Sidenote: though I don’t do any programmatic work here, I think it can be said in a general sense—and not only in reference to non-profits—that organizations tend to go the length to figure out the problems, and to research them extensively, only to leave the solution incomplete or only partially done. I promise this is relevant to the story I’m about to tell.)

The water heater. . .
So she’s brought it in, and it appears to be slightly sizeable, but isn’t ginormous (shoutout to the Tuskeegee crew). I hear her say once: can you find mean extension cord? I ask, for what? It doesn’t fit in the kitchen without one? She tells me our Operations Manager has voiced a concern regarding the water heater taking up too much counter space…blah blah.

Did I mention I don’t like being told "no"?

I hear again: can you find me an extension cord?

Oh, and another thing I don’t like is repeating myself or hearing the same thing over and over and OVER. It begins to feel like someone tapping my shoulder—which I don’t like.

I respond: I’ll TRY!

And yes, it’s okay to express emotion in this office space. So I raised my voice.
My mother might be shamed. My sister would be appalled.
I say we are not all the same.


Back to storytime. . .
When things get annoying, I make a decision to either ignore them or to fix them/change them from being annoying to being not. So when I heard: can you find me an extension cord? again I may have snapped a little bit. I uprooted myself from my desk, grabbed the hot water heater, and made my way to the kitchen to do a little experiment. This seemed an easier option than finding an extension cord that has nothing to do with me or my job.

I rearranged some things: coffee maker #1, to the left; coffee maker #2, to the left; current hot water heater, offline; new hot water heater, to the right. Everything fit perfectly, thus proving the previous statement or concern incorrect and invalid, and hence irrelevant. Solution? Replace old hot water heater with new hot water heater. Water flows freely at a reasonable pace, everybody is happy. No excess or lost counter space. Tah-dah!

I walk back to my desk, victorious, to get my coworker (to whom the device belongs) and her approval. I am indeed quite proud of myself.

A note on my not taking “no” for an answer:

I believe strongly that when there’s a will there’s a way. If you want something badly enough, you’ll figure out how to do get it done, how to reach the next level, how to win the prize. “No” will always lose to a winner. I’m a winner.

Previous to her getting up off her ass to follow me to the kitchen she says: uh-oh, arin’s gonna get me in trouble. Do I appreciate this assumption? No. Do I care to respond to stupidity? No. I don’t generally choose to give life to something that never should have been born. The proof is in the doing.

So I take her to the kitchen. But as you might be able to guess, any forward movement is hindered by the presumption that “Arin’s gonna get me in trouble.” All reason is tossed to the wind and the fact that this hot water heater fits perfectly without any unfavorable change becomes irrelevant.

All that’s relevant is:

But then she’d have to get rid of the old hot water heater.

Right, but it wouldn’t make sense to have two anyway.

But we already kind of have two.

Right, well the point is, her point of there not being space is irrelevant.

(is this [chick] panicking?—this type of communication and hesitation and dumb [mess] is what starts riots, or at least what gets [ofays] screaming “rape!”. . .I’m just saying)

Well I’m just gonna take it home.

Fine—I was just presenting it as an option.

(She unplugs it and takes it back to her desk.)

End scene.

My issue with the whole playout is this:

That I had to hear: can you find me an extension cord? one too many times, urged me to find a solution to the apparent problem. I know she didn’t ask me to put it in the kitchen. I also acknowledge that it’s not my hot water heater and so is not mine to do anything with. However, when something is brought into my knowing, I have the tendency to try to make them as best as is possible. That’s not anyone’s fault, it’s just who I am. Love me or hate me…

Maybe I jumped the gun. Maybe I care too much. Maybe I should find some work to do. But my thing is this: so you lugged this thing all the way from home, only to have to take it back home without having presented a valid and solid (and sound) argument in favor of your desired goal? How weak and useless of you. (This may sound a bit harsh, but some people are conservation and others are a bit more radical. I'll let you choose where I fall on the spectrum. I don't judge--I just have my opinions.)

My ability to stay true to myself and to maintain my strength of mind through voicing my opinions when I choose to or when it's necessary or even asked for, is one of my favorite things about me.

This is just who I am—some kind of passionate, involved, dedicated to trying to actually FIX problems instead of think about potential solutions and why they do or don’t work—I've always had a special place in my heart for geometry. Why? The proofs . . .some kind of wonderful (if I do say so myself)

Good morning! And please (if anybody’s out there) I’d love to hear your thoughts.

1 comment:

karynrose said...

do you notice though, that all she asked you to do was to look for an extension cord? if you would have done that all of the extra would have been avoided but then you wouldn't have had anything to write.