This whole love thing is overrated.

I thought or maybe I just guessed incorrectly that love was some beautiful untainted thing that you could hang on somebody's wall and show it off like fine art.
I am slowly but surely finding it's more abstract than that. Not an Alfred Stieglitz at all but more like any given amateur, prancing around with a polaroid camera and calling posed phrases that resemble his dreams "art"

I would go as far as to say love is bullshit but I still believe in it too deeply to say that.

A while ago, I met a man. Older. Attractive. Similar interests. Smart. Articulate. Artistic. Culturally conscious. Almost absolutely wonderful outside of that deep gut feeling that kept saying something just ain’t right.

Problem: he had a girlfriend the whole 5 months it took me to accidentally fall into the ditch of love, so artfully placed at his f-ing feet. Go fig.

Sometimes it feels like someone's playing a trick on me. Is it you God?
No...couldn't be. You love me too much. I'd believe 200% times more that it's me. I'm the trickster and the fool. How pitifully romantic is that?

Here’s the story: After five months of getting to know the guy I fall in love only to find out intuitively (three days later) about the girlfriend; sever all [too] close ties; eventually drag myself, slimy and muddied, from the completely unglamorousness of being in love (and yes, ugly crying—even if spurred on by the all too familiar PMS monster), and walk away. Now here he comes 5 months later to do it all over again, screwing my psyche up and making me feel this awesome fullness even though I still can't do anything with it because morally "we're almost over" still sounds a lot like "I have a girlfriend" to me.
Correct me if I'm wrong. Maybe slavery wasn't the only peculiar institution . . .

Either way it goes, my heart doesn't stop beating when he's in mind or eye and I know it's love, and God I wish I could do something about it—but what?
Hug him?
Hold him?
Leave him?
Listen to him?
Just be there?

I guess the answer is yes—all of that

You may know the song: “hopelessly devoted (or is it commited?) to you . . .” Guess I DON’T know the song, huh? Well I guess that's me.

I'd rather be at Jamba Juice in Times Square getting 2-for-1 smoothies.
Hey, that actually sounds like a plan :-)
At least I have something to look forward to. . .

“I will have poetry in my life. And adventure. And love. Love above all.”—Shakespeare in Love (only one of my FAVORITE movies of all time!)