Today je parle en franglish

parce que je deteste le francais maintenant
(and don't even ask me about the accents)

je sais, je sais
plus de gens have been asking me: what about the blog?
you've been there pour quatre jours, cinq jours
de quoi de ton blog?
the truth is this: when you can sleep, tu ne pense pas de son blog
really...vraiment
it's the farthest thing from your mind
je promis

anyway, today i blog, why?
because i stopped myself from the first of many could be (and i hope won't be) mistakes i may make ici a France

I went today tous seule (thanks for the tutoring Kafayat) a la grand magasin
my purpose: acheter un telephone portable
(oh and for those of you who parle pas de francais? suck it up because i have to do it EVERYDAY...comme toutefois)
get a dictionnaire

sidenote/question: WHY do they teach us USElessness like, chat et noir et fromage, when they should just start speaking? if educational systems qui enseignent le francais actually wanted to teach us something that would enhance our lives, when they taught us les langues, they would definitely let us marche into our classrooms at age 5 or 6 or whenever and just parle!
mais, non
ils ne le want pas=they don't want that
they just want to get paid for coming into the classroom, wasting our time and theirs, and walking away with a paycheck fat enuf to buy some pain on the way home (by the way folks, that's not pain for pain; that's pain for bread...comme j'ai dit je parle en franglish today....you'll catch on eventuellement)

so, i went to the mall today to get a cell phone, and on my way out (yes i start with my way out because the way in isn't as wonderful) i get harrassed by un guard securite
pourquoi?
je pense c'est parce que je suis noir
but wait, wasn't the guard black aussi?
oui il est noir, mais je ne sais pas
perhaps il etait malheureuse because he knows i'm prettier than him, even though my cheuveux n'etaient pas plus combe (and yes i think that's horrible grammar as well)

you'll soon see from these franglish posts of mine that my french sucks
and even though i studied english that will start to deteriorate a bientot aussi!

so the guard looks through my cheap green plastic sac de shopping (probably a "kleptomaniac forgettin while stealin"-shange) and finalement ascertains that i am not guilty of having stolen anything
not to mention, s'il te plait! si j'aurais steal something, please rest assured it would be plus cher que cette telephone

so let me tell you about my phone
it's white
oui, je le dit
c'est blanc
et pour les gens qui me savent, tu connais que je deteste blanc
pourquoi?
parce que blanc gets DIRTY vitement
c'est pas bien

anyway, it has a SIM card, which i made sure to tell them my old phone (or even my most recent phone, upon which everyone in the US dotes, from sprint does not utilise un SIM card)
"c'est stupide" j'ai dit quand ils me demande pourquoi
i had no other answer to offre

i wanted the cheapest phone avec the least features
tout que j'ai besoin is a phone
c'est ca
it was about 39 euro, which comes out to about...i dunno maybe 60 or more dollars?
and then it came with a SIM card (what a novel idee!)
and then i had to buy minutes to go avec ca
j'ai achete un carte pour soixante euro
from that i should get something like 150 minutes
and mom, je t'adore, mais tu ne peux pas m'appeller sur ce telephone (notice how i change the gender of the phone each time...parce que je ne care pas!)
nous pouvons parler sur le telephone dans le chambre de mon ami, d'accord?
ce tele est pour les calls local

in a minute, quelqu'un penserait that i'm not having a good time
far from the truth
similar to my last days in new york
j'ai rien etre
read: i have nothing to do

i know i said i was coming here to follow my dreams et tout de ca, mais vraiment
i just wanted to sleep for a few months
comme rip van winkle, oui?

non, serieusement
i've been getting a good amount of editing done pour mon livre du poesie
mais je ne sais pas qui veulent le publish pour moi
if anyone has any ideas, please pass them on
i haven't yet figured out where to sing, but i'm open to those ideas aussi
as for pictures, i'm working on it--stay posted
(notice how much better a job i'm doing at teaching you a language you didn't even demandez apprendre)

oh...the whole point of today's blog
this is for lindsey (qui a dit que je ne dedicate jamais un blog posting a lui)
as i was fait le packing pour ce journey, i told lindsey what bags i was bringing
elle a dit c'est trop de sac
tu n'utilise pas tous de sac!
i said, YES i will
si tu me comprends, tu connais que je les utilises tous and because i have them i won't buy anymore

well...i am ici to tell you that i was pres to manquer my word a lindsey aujourd'hui
after i left the store where j'ai achete mon telephone and got harrassed by the big black security guard (to whom, by the way, i did donne le yeux--the eye, as i was leaving...read: i hope you feel stupid now you've looked through my bag, wasted my temps and yours, and at least tried (though you failed) to humiliate me, in addition to missing so many autres qui are DEFINITELY stealing from the store as i speak. and i gave it a lui avec un sourire :))

so i went down the escalator and saw a store i like, ZARA
now i know many (if not just my mom) of you are thinking, but i have that in MY city, arin
tu es a paris!
yea, oui, oui
mais when it comes down to it
ca veut dire rien
si je le voudrais faire du shopping c'est necessaire etre comfortable, oui?
oui
donc c'etait a ZARA and i was looking around completely uninspired and un peu scared to touch anything, lest un autre guard de securite would come apres moi avec un billy club
apres cinq minutes, j'ai decidee that they'd either come for me or not; it was up to me to run and how fast

donc, i was doing the shopping (what a weird way to talk you french people) and i finally saw a bag or two worth my time

now i know i just said i had told lindsey i needed tous mes sacs et that i would not buy another one while i was here because i'm not that grande of a bag person
mais quand j'etais pres de feu
i almost broke mon histoire (i'm not sure that was the right way to say that, but i'm going avec ca)

so i had decided between the deux sacs that had caught my attention (le meme mot dans les deux langues)
the one i thought was best had one character flaw
the bag was slightly hobo-ish (go fig) and it had lots of color on it
le rouge et le blanc (ugh) et le vert et dark green (j'ai oublie comment ditons "dark" i'll look it up--je connais que "light" est "clair"--je pense que "dark" est "fonce"...attendez-vous s'il vous plait) et le brun et plus des autres couleurs
but there were these two drawstrings in addition to the brown straps (which i don't think were leather-i have this thing pour le cuir) which weren't even the brown i usually wear mais je suis ouvre

anyway, the bag was great but the deux drawstrings on chaque side of the sac were this weird off-white, which i felt was misplaced and just wrong

so i'd already looked in the mirror, or actually several different mirrors in the store and j'ai decidais (pas bien) that it was a great bag and i had to have it...and then i got to the queue, where there seemed to be some kind of misunderstanding or quelquechose
parce que these two filles at the front were taking forever!
at first, i said to myself, if this takes plus de temps, i'm not gonna even bother
then after deux minutes, j'ai dit serieusement, i'll wait for another, ehh trois minutes
then je stopped and j'ai dit a moi: je n'aurais achete (is that correct for "i wouldn't buy"? somebody help me out) ce sac a New York si c'etait soixante dollars, donc je ne peux pas acheter ici maintenant
mais j'ai faim!

so i didn't buy the bag in the name of common sense, and also in the name of mon ami lindsey, qui a dit tu ne dois pas porte tous les sacs
lindsey, i can't say you were completement vrai, parce que j'ai mon pride
mais, tu m'inspire to not spend my money too loosely

i'll think of you siempre
ohh shoot!
sorry...didn't mean to mix languages like that :)

lol, yes i did
i LOVE the word always in spanish
maybe i'll go someplace comme ca le prochaine fois

anyway, that's my story
for those of you who got to the end, mon dieu
j'espere qu'il tu blesse (no, blesser means to hurt)
i hope He blesses you
that's what je veut dire

i'm certain i'll have more stories as the days go by
stay posted
stay in touch
and send me friends' emails so i can beg them to teach me french
so i don't always have to use my franglish on you
:)

au revoir!
a demain!
on se voir!
(there are TOO many ways to say byebye in cet langue)

bye now!