on a day like today

i'll drink tea from a mug i don't care to break anytime soon
i'll hold true to some of my words--just not all of them

i will admit that my wants are superhuman
i will accept that perfection may only come in spirit form

i will know that i am one and alone isn't all that bad after all

if

you don't know i write
it, unfortunately, means you don't know much about me at all

i won't accept responsibility for you not knowing either

and i don't write just because i always loved the idea of spelling bees
yea, i can spell that
but i just like the way the buttons feel under me
there is a reason the fingers have padding
good for touching AND typing

what if you don't like my voice but you like my voice?
turns out there are a million ways (or maybe 10...or less) to voice any chord

how do you sound?
when you speak
when you yell
when you dance
when you move
when you sing
when you breathe

when you're asleep what are you twirling towards
that's all i'm saying

this dance i do with my fingers
it starts somewhere inside me
edging on the skirts of out
wanting heart and beat
digging inside my soul for another reason to be grateful
ain't hard to find

i'm just here to do what it is i'm called to do what i be doing when i breathe easiest

write...right?

does wanting more of you...

make me a bad person?
yesterday my friend said i have extremely high expectations of folks

and i don't know if i agree
i mean, yes if i know you and consider you a friend, yes i probably have pretty high expectations of you
but nothing i don't think you can reach out and touch with your hand

i get sick of people saying dumb STUFF like "you were an english major..." or "you're from chicago..."
so that means you don't put on the right coat?
or that means you don't learn how to differentiate between there's and theirs???

these things i won't put up with, i just won't
and all i'm saying is, if my expectations leave me alone at night forever
or if they make me a name i won't say here that i'd prefer you never call me, lest you get slammed up against whatever wall is close (cause my mama didn't raise no fool) then so be it
i just won't deal with mediocrity

i didn't get C's in school; it was below me
and i honestly believe that we are all A students, no matter how long it takes us to get there

Welcome back, Nose & Eyelashes ;-

when it don't work

you know how people say this old piece of wisdom/advice: 

if it ain't broke, don't fix it

i get that-- i even dig it

but i feel like too often, at least I have the tendency to laissez-faire, which is to say, "let things be" that really ought not ever have been

example 1- (and tonight there will be but one...and i'll use fake names as much as i can to not burn bridges but d*%#, doesn't it sometimes feel like people want you to burn them?!?)

you volunteer/work at a place that does not pay you

volunteer=not pay

you do the work

BREAK IN TIME: as i write this post, i realize how bogus i am, but as i am a human, i still feel somehow justified

to continue: they complain no matter that they're not paying you

you may arrive late, but you get the job done 

and YOU'RE NOT GETTING PAID

and no, money isn't everything

but in an economy like this...

well anyway

the thing is, the people running the program (hypothetical, of course) are a bit delusional

they think SO highly of their program that they forget to treat people well

they ask you to do things like go get coffee--for heaven's sake, i thought this was a volunteer gig--perhaps even work exchange, but certainly not a magazine gig

anyway, at last, they threaten you to take away your volunteer post if you can't get in on time--though it will certainly inconvenience them more than you if they clear your space

the problem is--they need you more than you need them

vain thought?

absolutely, but we all know the truth

and the truth is, you've been--which is to say, I have been meaning to move on for a while, but my greedy self has been taken to the thought of "getting something for free" when the reality is NOTHING is free

when i get that through my head--no matter how long it takes--i'm always better for it

when i spend my time and my energy on things that actually matter to me

when i take the effort and put it into stuff that means something REAL to me, i'm ALWAYS better for it

always happier

always fuller

always just gooder (than a mug...and you know how good a mug is--shoutout to b. cathey)

the point, beyond my (potentially drunken) rambling is this:

fill your time with the things that will truly truly bring you joy

not the things you feel like you should do because it will look good on your resume or will make you the better self you think someone else will praise you for being

BE the best that YOU can be--in yourself without outside judgment

you will love yourself more for it

and in turn, you'll be happier

and happiness, is the purpose of living

amen.

what i love about...brownstones

so, you may or may not know, but i've moved to a deeper sweeter place in brooklyn--still bedstuy but this time i'm alone!
alone, alone, alone :)
but this post is not about living alone
it's about the brownstone
i don't know how long the list will be, but i'll try to make it a number other than 25 (e.g. facebook's recent abundance of "25 things about me and my mama" lists)
here goes:
1-the gate that opens up to my "home sweet home"
2-the steps that lead up to "home sweet home"
3-the one locked door that leads to...you get the point
4-the fact that i only have one flight to walk up once i get inside
5-that in spite of #4, i can say i live in the penthouse apartment
6-the shutters on the windows--they need some work but they're so cool!
7-i only have two neighbors and they're both guys so extra extra cool

ok, that's all i got for now but i'm certain the list will grow
yay brownstones!

Sisters, Girls, Friends

this will have to be a recurring blog because i do so love at least the idea of sisters who are not quite blood-relations

today's will be short:
in October of 2008 i met two young ladies at my work-exchange at the alvin ailey school of dance who are among my newest sister-girlfriends
welela mar kindred and anita welch
welela is young at heart and body and spirit--she's a dancer and a model and she's on her way to Paris :)
Sooo fabulous, so beautiful and always aiming to find center (though she never seems far off), I just LOVE Welela because she asks the questions we sometimes forget to ask and she doesn't always have an answer
Two traits I always love in people, especially friends, are honesty and humility
One of my best friends in the world, Ms. (soon to be Dr.--PhD, by the way) Lindsey Alexander is the embodiment of both these things
Never afraid to tell me when my breath stinks (hypothetically) or when I'm acting like a bay in regard to anything, Lindsey, a predecessor to Welela and Anita, is yet another of my sister-girlfriends

Anita, also fabulous as all hell, is on tour right now, living in Pennsylvania. (Sorry babe I'm forgetting the exact name of the production...) but I know that Miss Anita (a few years younger than me and I hope to BE her!) is blowing her lungs out daily in preparation for a play that has something to do (forgive my brain freeze) with African-American history and spiritual and folktales. I'll update you with the name soon. She's pretty fearless and amazing. Her voice is beautiful and she practices ALL the time. I admire her diligence. She walks (regularly) in heels, from 55th and 9th aves, to 107th and something east of 9th.
That is FAR! One time, Anita said to me and Welela, "I love you guys--wait, I'm sorry, is it too soon for that?"

Hence our love relation. Humor, openness, freedom, and love.

I'm telling you about these wonderful women because I never ever would have thought I would meet such beautiful people in such an atmosphere or situation as...work, and volunteer work at that (read: no cash transactions) :)
Ailey--i love you!

Anyway, every Thursday morning, we would all come in with our singular baggage, or multiple loads, if you know me, and storytelling began.
Men (of course), work, respect, ethics, art, anything was a go and though I can't divuge much of the actual context of our conversations, I can tell you that Welela is substituting chocolate for men, and Anita is waiting to be called for Ragtime on Broadway.
We're all moving on up our ladders of life, but it's always good to know you have somebody new to your life who is truly rooting for you.

Anyway, I've gone on too long.
The point: love your sisters. And may they love you richly back.

my new year

happy new year to me
as of yesterday
because i refused to accept the traditional date that was given me
i had too many things to complain about
too many stuffs that just went wrong
1-my phone was stolen last weekend
2-i'm not in or headed to paris anytime soon
3-i slept wrong on my back and there is a terrible pain from my neck to my left arm/shoulder
4-i am not feeling so rich these days (i'm trying to do away with the term broke--it seems to outweigh the blessings God has given me)
5-i had (watch out) a pending move and am kind of still not sure how i'm going to afford the rent...hope my landlord isn't reading this
6-there's more but the list would get too long...but i will mention my only ex- in life had something to do with my constant crying charades recently

and so, my new year wasn't feeling so new, until yesterday when my move was complete
i am now a lover of solitude (though i've never been too far off)
i am now where i have wanted to be for a while now
i've been dreaming of living alone for a while
i have my own kitchen
i can use my own teapot and make as much or as little tea as i want
(there is definitely something selfish about living alone)
i want to--i need to be selfish right now
there are SO many things i feel i want to accomplish and that i feel i'll be more capable of if i am in my own space as needed

so yesterday was the new beginning i needed
i have house supplies to purchase--a broom, a dustpan, i guess, and other cleaning stuff (i really don't do this whole CLEANTING thing...pray for me)

i am hopeful for this new year
i am full of ambition and possibility
and i believe--which is to say i will force this reality, though I'm sure it will come to me--that the things i want to achieve will take place for me...cause God said so

...so what did God say would happen to you this year?
i pray it all goes well

so it's a new year

and in thegeneral tradition, i'm supposed to make a lists of resolutions
but i haven't really thought about it
i just left my good friend negarra's house and toasted in the new year with new friends all around
i suggest it as a new beginning for anyone tired of the club scene

i know i may be a lil late, but there is no time like the present, so here's my list, developing as i continue breathing in this moment
by the way, it should be mentioned that my new year's eve's eve was filled with lots of thought and tears, which i was thankful for and which very likely influenced the list i'm conceptualizing right now
here goes:
1-approach love and its possibility with recklessness, because i may only get one chance to share the love that's been given me
2-be wise, not only in the sharing and passing on of wisdom, but in my personal life and matters
3-pray out loud for the things that i NEED first, and then what i want
4-be fully committed in mind and actions to the goals i want to achieve: performing more often, writing and publishing songs, being a good friend always, making arinmaya-made a viable business
5-let go of the things/people/relationships that don't lift me up
6-recognize that though it's not ALL about me, a whole lot of it really is all about ME
7-achieve a level of financial comfort through a channel that brings me happiness and peace
8-keep traveling
9-continue to clear out the things i have that i don't need
10-explore the possibility of yes before suggesting "no"

i love you all--happy new year, happiness, peace, possibility and prosperity!

instructions for life

(i doubt the dalai lama (sp?) actually wrote this list but it's pretty good no matter)
i sent this list to some friends a while ago but thought it was good to look back at as the new year quickly approaches

enjoy!
Instructions for life
1-take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk
2-when you lose, don’t lose the lesson
3-follow the three R’s:
Respect for self
Respect for others
Responsibility for all your actions
4-remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful blessing from God
5-learn the rules so you know how to break them properly
6-don’t let a little dispute injure a great relationship
7-when you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it
8-spend some time alone every day
9-open your arms to change but don’t let go of your values
10-remember that silence is sometimes the best answer
11-live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time
12-a loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life
13-in disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past
14-share your knowledge. It is a way to achieve immortality
15-be gentle with the earth
16-once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before
17-remember that they best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other
18-judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it
19-approach love and cooking with reckless abandon

good men

and music...

so i'm sitting at my desk at my part-time job in the lifestyle i had chosen for myself (at least temporarily post-paris)
(read: i must revert back to something with normalcy and not having to be broke anymore)
back to the program:
i'm at my desk and i'm entering gifts from our year-end appeal for the non-profit i work for that helps homeless people and (it appears) would like me to join that roster instead of paying me decent wages
by the way, the reason i have to revert back to (god-forbid) a 9-5 life and a salary is because (a) i have no insurance, (b) i need to live alone--solitude is my new year's resolution, (c) because the economy, similar to the nation, is built on lies and fear
yea

so--oooh just got dizzy from something--somewhere between not eating enuf and not sleeping enuf i hope

THE POINT:
in 2002, RL (formerly of "step back you're dancing kinda close") made a song called "Good Man"
and it was the bomb--so i just finished listening to it on YouTube (can't embed it because it was disabled by the user, go fig), and just before that, i listened to "We Can't Be Friends" with him and Deborah Cox, one of the two (or probably more) Canadian divas of song--the other being Tamia, who i just listened to with Eric Benet (still over/under sexed?) singing "Spend My Life With You"

and I just thought I would share these wonderful musical memories with you (yes, in the midst of talking about how i even came to the point of being able to/feeling like i must watch/listen to YouTube in order to pass my days--because having less makes you want to revel in the more(s) that are available to you)

word of the day: Don't forget the good times, or good music as the years come and go by--they're there to be held onto

have you ever...?

done something you knew you would regret the minute you decided "yes"?

this morning i woke up a teensy bit early and so decided to get my extra fifteen minutes in
when i woke up again, i realized i had take another 30+ minutes instead--oops
when i finally rolled out of bed though, i was glad to have gotten the extra sleep. i felt refreshed.
so much so that i thought to myself: self, you're gonna be cute today

once i got out of the shower i knew i was going to wear my jeans that are too long, which means i had to wear heels (enter stupid moment)
which heels?
the green rounded toe heels from nine west that i haven't EVER worn before
greatly horrible idea!
and so now, i stand witness to pain and the fact that i could have avoided this had i just listened to myself as i put them on, debated about them and the initial pain, which i dismissed as temporary...the LIES

word of the day: don't lie to yourself--you know the truth standing before you
word no. 2: don't wear uncomfortable shoes--it's NEVER worth it, and if you can avoid it, don't even BUY them!

have you ever...

i may have lied

(about the topic of this post, being "next"--sorry)

but according to the men i've spoken to about this "lying" thing, it isn't a lie if you don't intend for it to be, and i certainly didn't intend on having a day best denoted by expletives--please trust that--but i was close to tears, literally while sitting at my desk fixing several spreadsheets for our year-end appeal

i don't even get insurance from these world-savers, go fig

why was my day so horrendous?

1-because my shoulder keeps (as in continuing as i type) having this sharp recurring pain that feels like something is being ripped through--OUCH!

2-because PMS is so real and it only gets more real as the years go by. irritable is the word of the day

3-because i was  TIRED, read: falling asleep at my desk. huge problem

and 

4-because i realized just how broke i am--very :(

BUT God...

gave me this voice and it does things to me when i can praise Him

so here are the reasons my day wasn't all THAT bad, though it was still a pretty effing not great day

i've had better...

1-because i could still sing, and when it came time for me to do it, i needed it like breath

2-because when i went to purchase the futon cover for my new futon (isn't it a blessing to be able to afford stuff you need even when you're BROKE??!?) it was the easiest transaction of my horrendous day/s ever

3-because the trains were running like butter--such an uncommon thing here in new york city, but also nicely because of the weekday thing. do not, i repeat do NOT visit new york on the weekend if you don't know where you're going or have a well educated tour guide

4-because i was able to get my granola from the health food store--it's my guilty pleasure during this hellish cleanse

5-because sometime soon, i'm gonna lay my head on a pillow on my futon with my new cover and mattress pad and all, and go to sleep

6-because my lifelong friend kamaria called me JUST when i was about to really break down--just to say hi; i believe she felt me and came to my rescue like the angel God made her to be

and

7-just because He's so awesome

word of the day: it's always good to be able to put things into perspective

no matter what you're going through, someone else has it worse--try to be a blessing to someone else when you're down. it may turn both of you around

40 dollars

tonight, 40 dollars got me the chance to see Maxwell hump a microphone stand
it's still worth it 8 years later, though i didn't pay the first time...
after the concert, 3 dollars and seventy cents got me three bags of supposed rice chips (with autolyzed yeast extract--what is that? yeast, no doubt) and a bottle of water i don't want to drink because it's cold
i do better to drink at room temp
this morning after church 4 dollars got me 4 dollars and 38 cents worth of turkey (smoked and sausalito)--don't judge me, it's this candida cleanse i'm on that has my diet all wacked out--, and a small but hearty bag of pistachios, which, by the way, i like eating in public because people like to see the challenge of the breaking open of new grounds, or different types of nuts--go fig
one thing about me, i don't like paying for food
so check this last story before i sign off:
last night, it cost me nothing but my pretty little self to get an amazing bowl of butternut squash soup and two cups of peppermint tea--read: it was FREE.99

word of the day:
be your pretty little self every day--you'd be surprised how far it'll get you

next post will be about the show i did last week with johnny voltik at solomon's porch on november 20
in short it was great--next show is december 16th at public assembly in williamsburg

today

today i'm gonna love me for me
tonight i'm gonna sing til i fall asleep
this week i'm gonna vote for change
next week i'll pray for some rain
and right now
here right now
not tomorrow but right now
i will list all the beautiful blessings that God gave to me
i will lift my voice up to the skies so one day we'll be free
i will laugh at the top of my voice i will sing
i will sing to the height of the world i will dance
i will love i will love i will love i will love me today

Who's behind the "Wassup 2008" Obama ad? Not Budweiser.

Posted by: Burt Helm on October 27

This morning when I blogged about the “Wassup 2008” Obama video, two questions sprung to my mind. First, who paid for this thing? The production values are very high – one person from Budweiser’s ad agency, DDB, estimated it could have cost as much as $750,000 (she also said DDB had nothing to do with the video). Second, how could Budweiser possibly be cool with such a clearly partisan advertisement?

After some digging, I found out. First, it cost way less than $750k. Second, Budweiser had no clue it was happening until after the video hit YouTube on Friday.

The man with the answers? Charles Stone III, the director of the original “Wassup” commercial and the movie Drumline (and the guy who answers the phone in the first frame of the video). He decided to make it about two weeks ago, he told me, with a crew of about 50 volunteers (all professionals working pro bono). They put it together in 9 days.

It was all possible, Stone says, because Budweiser never owned the rights to the idea. He’d originally made it as a short film independent of the brand, and Budweiser had only leased the rights, paying a mere $37,000 for five years of use. Back then, people gave him a hard time about the low price. Now Stone, a diehard Obama supporter, says it’s more than paid off. “That I’m able to use an idea distributed by a huge company, who made a lot of money off it, so that now when I put out what I want to say, it’s recognizable, and it sparks -- that’s worth $1 million to me.”

It came together after emailing with friends about ways they could make a video supporting Obama. Once they’d settled on the concept, he got on the phone with the original cast (all friends of his, who are now actors living in New York, Philadelphia, and LA), and called up his Director of Photography from Drumline, Shane Hurlbut, who brought in his crew. He also signed up Gerard Cantor and Maurice Marible, from commercial production house Believe Media, who co-produced. They shot over two days. The war-torn Iraq setting is actually a preexisting set in Santa Clarita, CA.

After they finished, they uploaded it to YouTube with distribution company 60Frames, set up a website, wassup08.com, and sent links to everyone they knew. As of writing this, it’s been viewed almost 1.8 million times, and picked up across the blogosphere, including on BoingBoing, Daily Kos, and Huffington Post. The final price tag? About $6500 out of his own pocket, Stone says.

http://www.businessweek.com/the_thread/brandnewday/archives/2008/10/whos_behind_the.html?campaign_id=rss_daily

This is Whassup...you know

saturday morning

earlier this week, my honesty was compromised
well, better, someone tried to suggest through their questions and actions towards me that it wasn't legit enuf for them
i consider myself pretty reliable
however, that person's deciding to question my integrity, made me decide to drop them and my former commitment to them and their project

oh well?
i know we'll both get over this
it just feels a little weird
but hey, it's saturday morning
i'm supposed to be there now
i'll communicate the drop off...sometime today
probably via text message

let's just say this:
if you don't trust someone, be mindful of the situations you get yourself into with them
yea

never forget

Interesting Article...but who wrote it?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/arianna-huffington/enough-why-obama-should-r_b_125519.html

I wish I could embed this article in here so you could see the video at the end and feel some kind of way about it here with me.
You'll have to let me know your thoughts please....