By the way...this may take a lil while

Je ne veux que vous croyons que je fait rien ici...as in, i don't want you to think i do absolutely nothing while i'm here

I have some pretty great conversations (certainly specific to my being here and taking time "to get away...free[ing my] mind...and fly[ing] away"-thanks ledisi) with people who i love...like my linesister natalie, who recently inspired me to throw out my fear and really get up off my a** and DO the research and DO the work to get where I want to be
I guess I spend a lot of time wishing, hoping, thinking, praying that inspiration will come (which, by the way it often does) but work is not at all a bad pursuit towards attaining happiness.
I want to share a part of our long-ish convo with you...and anyone else who may feel me on my quarter-life crisis(hness)
[and this is NOT to discount/diminish anyone else's imprint or effect on me before i got here or right now, and trust me there're a LOT of you]

(in medias res)
NAT: and first off Arin
9:36 PM it takes a LOT of guts to
quit your job
and travel abroad ALONE
NAT: some people go their whole lives without seeing an ocean
from the plane
ME: God worked it all out
NAT: its a HUGE thing
ME: yea--Thanks
NAT: plus you are HELLA young
we aren’t even 30
you got PLENTY of time to work
I had a friend who quit working at JPMC
and moved to Brazil
for 2 years
9:37 PM ME: this is how i know i'm surrounded with GOOD people
not that GOOD means you always get it
but good people who even when they don't get it say, ok
i'm with you
cause at the end of the day, that's what matters
the there-ness, you know?
I am So thankful for that
p.s. you really are pretty smart nat
i mean i know you know that
but it's pretty effing cool
9:43 PM NAT: ha
thanks Arin
trust me
i understand where you are coming from
people who don’t take risks
are the ones who don’t get it
ME: ...indeed :)
9:44 PM NAT: what are you trying to do?
ME: well, lots actually
ME: what am i trying to do?
sing
and write
NAT: Ohhh
gotcha
in the meantime?
ME: i'm working on my (same) poetry book now
editing it down
singing--i may want to go back to school for that
NAT: would you be a speech writer?
oh ok
that’s FABULOUS
ME: i'm planning on taking a look at berklee in boston when i get back
NAT: well why don’t you try to go to school abroad for singing?
why come back
9:46 PM ME: that could be cool
NAT: i would try at least-never hurts to try
try to go for an international program
sometimes the states is just too conventional
ME: i have to say i kind of suck at researching programs
you're right
not to mention too expensive
9:47 PM NAT: well now
so in the EU
but i am sure you will be more inspired there than here
a lot more to capture the moment
ME: i feel like there's often not a clear way to find out about programming
you know?
9:48 PM NAT: yeah there is
just google what you want and it will come up
i don’t care if its a string of random words, you will find something
i just googled
music
+ masters
+ international and stuff came up
ME: you actually put the + sign in there?
NAT: yeah
ME: hmm…i never tried that before
i guess it's time for me to buckle down, huh?
:)
lol
thank you nat!!!!
9:53 PM NAT: yeah
you gotta be looking for it to find it
this ain’t like finding a man
ME: Music is the only thing I can think to do
as in, going to school
committing to
giving time to
i could get a writing degree
but i feel like time would better be used to workshops and seminars for that
and time just spent reading and being self inspired
NAT: well then do it arin
you gotta be willing to put time into finding programs
9:58 PM its all available
thats the beauty of the internet
ME: hmm
i am finding some cool stuff
NAT: i have found that too much research leads to no action
Fast fwd…this is where NAT become goddess of knowledge and wonderful faith and things to come—faites-attention! (if you're still with me, that is)
NAT: don’t be so hard on yourself
trust me
the grass is always greener
i have to remember that a lot myself
that we are all super blessed
11:03 PM regardless of whether we are doing what other people want us to or not
and... sometimes its really hard to leap out on faith
for our dreams
when i quit at the bank... i told people that I was going to come out from my Master program making at least 15K more
and everyone was like... you are going to work for a nonprofit
you aren’t gonna make that kind of money
plus they didn’t think that it would be possible for me
because i was going to a school that wasn’t harvard
11:04 PM well...
today I make 25K more than I did
at the bank
didn’t pay for college
had a fantastic opportunity that landed me in ebony
and have lived in a couple of different places
but it was really hard
when i was trying to think about doing it
11:05 PM cause i couldn’t get the buy-in i wanted for it
and my own dad said the degree is what secretaries
get
but i did it anyway
and lived in a studio in LA
got paid 25K for 14 months
worked
went to school
and at the end of the day
had the BEST F***** time of my life
even though I was broke as f***
and had to ask my manager for money to eat sometimes
11:07 PM ME: i love it
11:08 PM you're such a doer
NAT: we all are
we just gotta figure out what it is
that makes us reach our tipping point
and what it is that leads us to our passion
and have faith that things will work out
for us in the end
and know that we can’t measure our lives by someone else’s
which i struggle with a lot
but we can’t do that
11:10 PM for me
i remember i told someone that
i could be married and have a 100K salary
and be cool
and this dude liked to s*** himself
11:11 PM well.. fact of the matter is
that there are people who make less than that
that have worldly goods
my sisters husband
his aunt
benz and BMW
paid
house paid off
and they work at the damn post office

(There was more, but you get the point…)
--which is, i don't mind the questions. i rather like them very much--they lead me (as i hope i sometimes do you) to get where i'm going.
lovelovepeace and respect...and patience